Never Mind | #yoonmin

27

The summer event of JinHit has me pushed into a corner of the room. It's as hot as last time but I shiver from all of the side eyes I'm receiving. Maybe I shouldn't have come here, it seems there are a lot of people who didn't believe the statement about by innocence which JinHit released already a couple weeks ago.

The Honsool episodes that were published since then have received a normal amount of views, though. I wonder if it's because some people were just watching it to catch me in some sort of other mistake. I didn't dare to read the comments and Jisoo didn't say a word about it either, which probably means it wasn't all sunshine and rainbows. We're supposed to publish Jimin and Jungkook's episode next week, I'm desperately hoping people will respond to it positively.

I also desperately wish Jimin was here tonight. I wish I could just focus on his smile and allow him to make me laugh with his silly little jokes. But I'm here trying to talk to people who obviously doubt my character and give me fake smiles. Where the fuck is Namjoon? At least he's supposed to be here. I tap my glass and dart my eyes around the room, looking for the tall figure with his new short, blue hair. He should be easy to spot.

With a sigh I decide to just leave the conversation, which I'm supposedly involved in, without a word and go to the bar. On the way there I finally spot my blue haired friend and turn to him instead.

"Ah Namjoon-a, here you are. Where have-" My sentence is cut short when I see who he's talking to. Taehyung. They started working on a song together, so Namjoon must have invited him. "Ah, Taehyung." I simply acknowledge his presence. He nods at me in return.

"Yoongi-ya! How are you man?" Namjoon pats my back.

"Oh, I'm fine." I half-lie. I've been pretty fine really. The gossip hasn't been such a headache anymore aside from that I've been feeling nervous about how things will go with Honsool. There was also some drunk dude who tried to start a fight with me at a restaurant after he recognised me. All the other judging glares and stares aren't exactly comfortable, but at least there hasn't been anything new in the tabloids.

"How are things going with the new song?" I ask them both.

"Oh man, it's going to be so good." Namjoon smiles. "You should come by the studio again some time Yoongs, it's been ages since you've visited."

"Yeah, sure, I'll come by." My eyes shoot to Taehyung who has the most neutral expression on his face. He still hasn't said anything.

"Shit, hold on guys, I see Jongho, I need to ask him something." And just like that Namjoon leaves me and the neutral man alone at the tiny standing table. I puff my cheeks and slowly blow out some air. When my eyes land on Taehyung's again I see that his expression has now changed to a deep frown. He shuffles a bit closer to me, leans on the table and tries to hide his mouth behind his glass.

"So ehh... Yoongi, about that picture..." He starts slowly. "I just ehh... I wanted to thank you."

"Thank me?" I raise my eyebrows.

"Yeah, Jimin told me you refused to get our names involved as witnesses at the cost of your own image."

"Oh, that." I pull my mouth in a straight line. Something I apparently do a lot according to Jimin, but I rarely notice it myself. "I only did that for Jimin, not for you."

"I know." He says calmly. I almost spot a little smile behind the glass in his hands. "I still don't like your little arrangement with him though." He adds quickly as the smile is wiped from his face and looks away while he drinks from his glass. I huff and drink from mine, but I can't help but secretly feel respect for his protective behaviour over his friend, it just sucks that it isn't in my favour.

"I'd never hurt Jimin." I say confidently after placing my now empty glass on the table.

"Maybe not on purpose." He says sharply as his eyes slice into mine again. "But do you really think this is going to end well?"

His question is something I keep asking myself as well. More and more so lately. Every time I step out of Jimin's apartment, or he slips out of mine, I wonder why it's starting to leave me with a little sting in my heart. Then when I lay my head down in bed I notice the empty pillow next to me is starting to look rejected.

"Well..." I sigh, "sometimes people do things because it makes them feel good in the moment, even if they know they might get hurt. You can't live your life without getting hurt anyway. Even in loving, serious relationships people get hurt all the time. Maybe even more so, getting hurt by a loved one hits much harder." I babble, assuming Taehyung isn't even really listening, but I seem to have silenced him for a moment. He looks at me while blinking more often than natural.

"Do you think you'll never hurt Jungkook?" I ask quietly after a long enough silence.

Taehyung sighs and puts his glass down. "I don't know. I probably will, but at least I'll fight to keep him when it happens. I'll make sure he never has to feel like he's alone in his pain, even if it's my fault." His eyes have softened and he slowly turns his glass on the table.

"Sounds like you really care about him."

"I do. I love him." He admits calmly.

"Whoa. Congratulations." I nod and feel jealousy run over me like a familiar toothache. Apparently somewhere inside of me I still I wish I could say that about someone so certainly some day. Some day. I don't want to worry about these emotions right now.

"Jimin said you never really loved anyone. Is that true?" Taehyung squints his eyes and patiently awaits my answer.

"Heh, he told you that?" I shift my weight to my other foot and also lean on the table. "It's true. At least, I don't think I have. And if I have to doubt it, I'd rather believe that I haven't. I've cared about people in some ways, but the type of love you seem to so casually admit to without a doubt just now... I don't know what that's like."

"It's also the first time for me that I'm so sure of it, maybe it'll still happen to you as well."

"Mmm. Maybe." I'm surprised by Taehyung's openness and seemingly warm words. "But until I know for sure I'm not going to force myself into a half-hearted relationship full of false hope. Love is not something I can just fake it until you make it."

Taehyung nods slowly and sips his drink. This conversation has taken quite an interesting turn, it even seems like Taehyung is starting to get my point of view. Maybe this evening wasn't useless after all, but I'm pretty sure he still hates me.