Through the Years with Nick and Charlie

Drunken words are sober thoughts

Nick:

I got up at 6am, took a shower, grabbed my gear, and left for training. At first, I was gonna try to call out, but I knew that coach wouldn't have that. I wasn't even sure if Charlie would want me here, or care that I stayed. He'd probably say that it was too late or something. So instead, I just went.

When I got to the facility, I greeted my mates as we headed to breakfast and morning meetings. Many noticed the bags under my eyes and questioned them, but I just said something dumb like " Just got in late man" even though I was home by 2pm, and never left.
The trainings and just having to be around people was so hard. I just wanted to be home, I wanted to be with my Char, but I fucked up, again. I swear I thought I was doing the right thing at the time, I thought it was for the best, I was just- "Nelson" her voice snaps me out of my thoughts. I turn to the sideline where coach and the rest of my team is "it's break" Coach Singh yells at me, looking confused "shit" I whisper under my breath. I was standing in the middle of the pitch, too in my head to realize the whistle for break had went off. I jogged my way over to the sideline "you alright Nick" " yea, was just thinking of a play" she nods and walks off, allowing me to get water.

The rest of training and the other meetings went fine. I didn't space out again, but many thoughts were still lingering in my mind.

I walked out to my car, but I just sat in the driver's seat. I didn't want to go home, I couldn't. It's hard to function and do anything knowing that he "needs space from me".
I just sit in the car for a little longer, thinking of what I could do, or if I'll just take another night on the couch.
I settled on maybe stopping by mum's before going home. I adjusted my seat and started the car when I was startled by a knock on my window. "Ayy Nelson" it was a group of the lads so I rolled down my window. "Yea what's up" I ask looking around to see who all is there "we were just gonna make a trip to the pub, drinks are half off" he says in a convincing way.
I thought about it for a split second, a break would be nice, but I promised Charlie no drinks while he's pregnant, so going to the pub would just make this whole thing worse. "Ahh, thanks mate but I've gotta get home" "The lad gets married and forgets about his mates" everyone laughs at his joke. I start the car " Nah, the lad just doesn't wanna babysit you lightweights" I say before I pull off, chuckling at my own joke.
I was a couple of minutes out when I decided that I was gonna stop by my mum's house. I don't even know if I'll tell her or not, she'll probably know that something's up anyways.
I drove the 23 minutes to her house before I was standing on the doorstep, ringing the doorbell. I didn't stand there for long when my mum opened the door with a smile, but shocked face "Nickyy, what a surprise" "hi mum" I say as she lets me in, closing the door before pulling me in for a hug.
When she pulls away, she gets a good look at my face "has something happened, or you're just paying your ol' mum a visit" she asks patting my arm before walking towards the kitchen. "Nah just thought I'd stop by" I say before I follow after her. She stirs the pot of food on the stove before turning around to lock eyes with me. "Nicky, you've got heavy bags and dark circles under your eyes, you're 40 minutes from home, and you're here on a week night at 8pm" I sigh in defeat. I knew she would notice.
"I'm not sure if I wanna talk about it mum" I say plopping in a seat at the table. "Oh that's okay, I'll be here if you ever want to alright" "thanks mum"
We sat at the table eating hot bowls of gumbo that she made. We talked about how she was doing and how rugby was. I could sense that she had a clue about what was going on with Charlie and I, she didn't mention him the whole time.
We talked some more over tea and cookies before I helped her clear up and said my goodbyes as it was getting late.

I left my mums house a bit ago and have been on the road for about 20 minutes. I'm now in the downtown/city part of London as I pass the bar that I know my mates are at. I keep looking back trying to spot them, but in my head, I'm back to the internal argument if I should stop by or not. "He doesn't have to know. A drink or two and I'll be home" I think to myself as I pull into the parking lot.
I walk into loud music, sweaty people, and a musty, humid room, but I eventually land my eyes on James and Ethan, my two fellow captains. I walk over and they start to realize it's me "oh lads, our babysitter's here" James yells out, causing the rest of my mates to look at me as I laugh out loud.