Only the "Strong" Survive | Paul Lahote |

*fifty four*

I hated bed rest with a bitter passion. I felt useless, worthless, I couldn't help Paul around the house, I couldn't go to work, and I couldn't cook dinner. All I could do was lay around, moving only to go to the bathroom or take a bath which was becoming increasingly more difficult as my belly seemed to keep growing. I couldn't see my feet anymore, couldn't put on my own socks. Everything about it sucked, but I was grateful I had Leah, Emily and Seth. The three would take turns hanging out with me, making sure I had everything I needed. Seth would come over after school and binge watch random shows with me, we'd made it almost entirely through Friday Night Lights in a span of eight days. Emily always had food with her, casseroles for Paul to heat up, sweets for me because that's all Wolfie seemed to want and she'd talk to me about the baby, about her and Sam, look through pictures with me and watch funny videos. Leah was different, it was mostly silent when she visited but nonetheless she helped take care of me, and Wolfie. Paul was understandably always busy with work, his hours had increased as all the vampire drama had died down. But he was still shifting, every few days just to make sure he could still do it. The way he explained it to me was that they never knew when it would stop, just one day it would when they were no longer needed. And though there was a part of me that wanted him to be done with it, so we could live a normal life together, I knew it was such a big part of who he was and neither of us wanted him to let go of that.

"You're deep in thought today." Leah said, a small chuckle leaving her lips.

"Sorry..." I said gently.

"Is everything okay? Is Wolfie okay?" Her eyes turned concerned. At the last appointment, the doctor said that he could come any time. I was thirty two weeks now, or eight months, so he would be premature but the would still be safe. All of us were hoping he'd stay in a lot longer though, we were keeping our fingers crossed that Wolfie would decide to stay until the fourty week mark.

"Everything's fine Leah. Can I ask you a question though?"

She nodded stretching out against the foot board of the bed next to me, her feet near my head.

"Do you want to stop phasing?"

Leah thought for a moment, biting the inside of her cheek, "Yes and no. It would be nice to live a normal life again, grow my hair out, not have to be around Sam and Emily as much, even moving to Jacob's pack we were still more involved with them than I'd liked. But we were given this gift for a reason, not every generation gets to shift - my dad didn't. And it feels like there's this responsibility, a duty to protect everyone and there's a part of me that feels it's not done yet."

"Do you think that's how Paul feels too?"

"I know that's how he feels. But it's more for him, because he has you and now Wolfie. He feels like he can't protect you guys if he doesn't shift, and since you're having a rougher pregnancy now, he needs the control of being able to do something."

My brows furrowed, "Did he tell you all that? He won't talk to me about it."

Leah laughed, "No, it's the mind link."

"Of course it is. Do you know how much easier it would be if I could read his mind?" I joked.

"He loves you Joni. He loves you in a way that's much deeper than the imprint. Do you remember when you left?" She asked gently, and I just nodded, "He was a whole different Paul. It wasn't just because he didn't know what was going on with you, it was this intense heartbreak. We could all feel it, and the way he wouldn't talk to us or he involved besides his typical patrols, the way you were always on his mind. I'm sure Sam and Emily love each other deeply, I see it every time I have to be around them, but what Paul feels is deeper. And he would truly do anything to make your life easier, to take care of you. That's why this is so hard on him, he can't protect you from it. If Wolfie comes early, then he comes early and Paul can't control the outcome there."