Only the "Strong" Survive | Paul Lahote |

*chapter fourty-two*

|JONI|

I was nervous to be back, anxious and scared. Overwhelmed with the thoughts that everyone would be mad at me, that they would hate me and want nothing to do with me. But that faded as I drove past the many, many trees and onto the dirt road that led to Sam and Emily's. I missed a lot in the time I was gone, the back had split and Jacob had imprinted on Bella's child. But for me, Leah came back just to greet me. As I pulled into the familiar driveway, I felt a feeling of calm, of peace - of being home.

The door opens as I turned my car off and giant smiles came running out to meet me. Emily wrapping her arms around me tight, I almost cried of happiness. Sam hugged me too and the boys provided one armed hugs telling me how grateful they were to have me back. There was a feeling of disappointment when I noticed Paul wasn't there too, I had hoped he'd be willing to see me so we could at least talk. But I guess I'd been too hopeful.

"Are you back for good or just visiting?" Emily asked as she wrapped her arm around Sam.

"For good. It was time for me to come home."

"Well I know at least one person who'll be happy to have you back," Sam said with a laugh.

"Yeah maybe he'll be nicer now too." Embry said whacking Quil's arm.

"Doubt it. He's back to angry Paul. You can't make him change twice Joni." Quil shrugged at me.

I awkwardly laughed, but those words hurt, I didn't want Paul to be angry. I didn't want him to hurt, I didn't leave because of him - I left for me. And I know breaking things off and leaving so abruptly was a horrible thing to do, but I'd hoped he would be okay that maybe he'd understand.

"I'm not staying here long, I have some things to take care of. But I wanted to see you guys," I said breaking the small silence that filled the air.

"You look good Joni, I'm so glad you're back." Leah said giving me a goodbye hug.

Emily hugged me too, she told me I should call Paul to let him know I'd returned. I got in my car and started to drive to my parents  place, it hadn't sold yet so I was going to live there until it did and I found a place of my own. With their stuff cleaned out it was empty, but it felt happier in a way. Like my own oasis.

I sat on my bed, one of the few pieces of furniture I hadn't gotten rid of, and played with my phone. I wanted to call him, to hear his actual voice instead of just that of a voicemail but I couldn't bring myself to. Not just yet. I decided to shower in an attempt to make myself feel better after the long drive.

I shaved my legs and washed my hair, letting the warm water rush over me. It didn't make me feel any better, all it did was remind me of Paul and how it felt when he held me. The warmth of his was one of the things I missed most, right up there with his smile, and how it felt when his lips touched mine. All I could do was hope that the imprint bond was strong enough for us to get through this, maybe not today, maybe not anytime soon. But someday.

Wrapping the towel around myself I heard a knock at the door, I was surprised that anyone would come. Leah was the only one I had told where I would be staying and I don't think she would show up here unannounced. Looking out the peep hole I felt like my heart was going to burst out my chest. There he was in all of his perfect glory, the light shining on his jaw that was obviously clinched, his muscles flexing under his shirt. His hair was a bit longer than normal, and scruff on his face. I didn't think it was possible for him to be more attractive than he was before, but Paul looked more gorgeous now than ever. He reached his hand up, knocking again, and I took a deep breath before I opened the door.

I wasn't sure if I should smile, or immediately apologize. If I should cry, or jump into his arms. This was unknown territory for us. So I just pulled back the door, and moved so he could come in. Holding my towel up and watching as he walked in. We stood in the same spots now as we had the last time I saw him. Paul's eyes wandered up my legs, my body until his eyes met mine. His brown eyes held back so much, his fists were clinched but his eyes were soft.