Only the "Strong" Survive | Paul Lahote |

*fifty-three*

Paul held my hand as we sat in the hospital, his chair pushed as close to the bed as possible. He was anxiously taping his foot as I stared at the ceiling trying to get my mind to stop racing as we waited for results and answers. Out of nowhere, while I was in the middle of cleaning the house I'd begun cramping horribly and when I'd gone to the bathroom there was blood. He had left work early to take me to the hospital. I don't know if was the stress from the wedding a few days ago, or what was going on but the waiting really was the hardest part.

"Hey sweetie." Emily said entering the room, she was the only one of us that could stay positive in a time like this. I had called her, interrupting her and Sam's get away in Port Angeles when the cramping started, her sister had two babies so Emily knew more than I did naturally. They came here immediately despite my demand that they didn't.

Paul and I couldn't even bring ourselves to speak because the chances of things being okay with me and baby Wolfie felt slim. The whole ride here had been silent and the whole stay had been the same - uncomfortable, cold neither of knowing what to say.

"I brought you some food. I know you said you weren't hungry but you need to eat something."

My eyes locked with her and my lip quivered, I wanted so bad to cry but I was holding myself together to not freak Paul out more. His body was tense as he sat next to me, I could read his emotions on his face. I felt him squeeze my hand, nodding at me to eat. He stood up, pacing around the room with his arms crossed over his body. Seeing him like this hurt, I didn't want him worried, upset, or angry. I never wanted Paul to feel those things.

I ate in silence as Emily took Paul's chair. Him and Sam leaving the room to go for a walk, I knew he was on edge and that his angry was nearly winning every time a nurse came in. They'd mess with the machines, or take more blood and it made both of us feel that much worse.

"How are you feeling?" Emily asked holding my hand.

"I'm not okay Em. I'm so scared." My voice was weak as I laid back down against the pillow, "I'm sorry for ruining your honeymoon.",

She squeezed my hand, giving me her comforting Emily smile, "You didn't ruin anything, that wasn't our actual honeymoon. And we just have to be patient honey. Wolfie feels what you feel, so you need to relax."

I nodded, tears welling up in my eyes again as I put my hand on my belly. It wasn't supposed to be like this, everything about this pregnancy had been smooth and normal. Morning sickness, cravings, constant pressure on my bladder, swollen feet and irritability. My emotions had been on a constant rollercoaster, crying to angry to happy. Just like the books said I should be. Every ultrasound had gone smoothly, we'd gotten so many pictures of him, his heartbeat was strong and fast in everyone. Yet, we were here anyway sitting nervously. Every beep of the machine, every footstep near the door, every noise making us jump with anticipation.

"Ms Waters?" The doctor asked as he came into the room, I just nodded. "How are you feeling?"

Ignoring his question I replied, "Is my baby okay?"

"I can give you answers now, or we can wait until the father comes back." He said, face looking emotionless and solid as if not trying to give anything away.

"Wait for him, please."

"I'll be back in about fifteen minutes."

Nodding again I looked at Emily, "Call them please." She stood up to do that, stepping into the hallway. And I let the tears go, praying to whatever was up in the sky to let me and my baby be okay. Resting both hands my stomach I told Wolfie how much I loved him, how much we wanted him and that I hoped he was okay.

Paul and Sam were back within minutes. A solid look on Paul's face as he came and kissed my forehead, wiping away the tears from under my eyes. I leaned into him, needing the safety he provided for me and he held me too, needing the same.

"Okay," the doctor began, "what we're dealing with is called placenta previa. It means the placenta is sitting too close to the cervix, it looks like it caused the cervix to start opening - that's why the bleeding occured."

My hand held Paul's tightly, as I struggled to find my breath wanting to cry again. I didn't understand what the doctor was saying, what it meant for our baby.

"And that means?" Paul asked, his voice shaking.

"It means you need to go on bedrest Ms Waters, immediately. This can cause early labor and the baby isn't developed enough to survive that. You will need to rest and drink lots of fluids, and keep your stress levels low. We need to get this pregnancy as close to term as possible."

"So the baby is okay?" I asked softly.

"For now, yes. You have a strong, healthy baby boy and bedrest will help insure things stay that way. I'll send in a nurse to unplug you, and you can complete discharge paperwork." The doctor said turning to walk out the door, we thanked him and then I turned my head to Paul. A smile growing on his once sullen face.

He leaned down, kissing my forehead, "I love you."

"I love you."

Finally feeling relief for the first time since this afternoon, I let myself smile while rubbing my belly. The nurse took out the needle in my arm, and put a bandage over it. Paul helped me into the wheelchair they provided and rolled me out to his truck that Sam had pulled around for us. It took both of them to get me up on the lift, it was a struggle with my belly and they were extra cautious now because of what the doctor had said.

"Let's get you home mama." Paul said taking my hand in his, pulling it up to kiss his lips.

After the drive, he carried me into the house and down the hall to the bedroom waiting for me to get comfy. "I think bedrest is just a term honey. I think you could've let me be on the couch."

"This is more comfortable."

"But the couch has the big TV." I whined making Paul chuckle.

"I will bring it in here if that's what you want."

Giving him puppy dog eyes he laughed again and began moving things around to bring the TV in for me. I giggled at the site of him moving around. This was why I loved him, he would really go above and beyond for me, for the baby. Anything to make us happy, comfortable, taken care of. I don't know what I did in this world to deserve such a beautiful, sweet hearted man but good lord did I get lucky. Holding my stomach all I could think about was how much I hoped out little boy would grow up to be like his dad. I hope he was strongwilled, and risk taking. I hope he stood up for what he believed in, and protected those who couldn't protect themselves. I hope he had a confidence to him that drew people in and made them feel safe. Just like his dad.

"Why are you crying?" Paul asked me as he plugged in the cord to the wall and grabbed the remote.

I looked up at him, wiping the tears away with the back of my hand, "I hope he's just like you Paul. I hope he gets everything from you and nothing from me."

Paul chuckled and sat next to me on the bed taking my hand in mine, "Why does that make you emotional Joni?"

"Because," I took a deep breath, "you're such a good man. So, so good to me. And it just makes me happy and sad thinking about all you've done for me."

"Pretty girl...I love you. I need you to quit thinking for a while. Just relax, and I'll bring you ice cream. You and Wolfie love ice cream."

Nodding my head I leaned forward to kiss his lips. He got up and brought back the ice cream with two spoons and laid next to me in bed as I put on a true crime documentary. Paul leaned over to kiss my belly, and smiled. I loved our little family, and I was grateful to relax knowing Wolfie and myself were okay.