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Chapter 16 : Scared

Chapter 16

Later...
    
Curt POV

"Riker, wake up," I said, shaking his shoulder.

"Mmmm..."

"Wake up. Your dad just yelled that he has to go on an emergency business trip and will be back tomorrow around lunch. He left money on the kitchen table."

"Ok..."

"Let's go get some dinner."

"Not hungry."

"Riker, come on."

"I'm too tired."

"Fine. I'm going to go back to the hospital and check on Selena. We might get some dinner. I'll bring you back something, ok?"

"Mhmmm..."

I took the money Riker's dad left and walked to the hospital. Selena was sitting in the waiting room alone. When she saw me, she got up and hugged me tight.

"Don't think I'm not still mad at you. But I'm really glad you're here," she said.

"Let's go get some food, ok?"

"Yeah."

We went to a diner and got seated at a table across from each other.

"Could we just talk for a second?" I asked.

Selena put down her menu and looked at me.

"Please, can you just tell me how you're feeling? And why you kissed me? If you do or don't have feelings for me, it's fine either way, but please just tell me what's going on."

"I don't know how I feel... That's the problem, ok? I just don't know. There's literally just so much going on right now between you, my dad, Riker... I like you and Riker."

"You mean, like you have feelings for both of us?"

"Yeah."

"Well who do you like more?"

"I don't know. I don't even know how to feel right now. And anytime I'm not at the hospital, I feel guilty for not being there. My mom says it's fine and that I need to be away sometimes so I can clear my mind. But I still feel guilty about it."

"Don't. Look. Your dad is what's most important right now, ok? Focus on him. But your mom's right. You need to take some time away from the hospital to clear your mind. You don't have to decide anything about your feelings for me or Riker. Just focus on yourself and your dad right now, ok? And if you need anything, literally anything at all, you let me know, ok?"

"Yeah, thanks Curt."

"You're welcome."

Later...

Selena POV

We went to Riker's house after we had dinner so we could bring him some food too and just chill for a little while. I ended up on the couch in the living room between Riker and Curt. Riker seemed really tired, but ate dinner anyway. I was glad his dad was gone on a business trip, even if it was only until tomorrow. Riker needs a break from him.

I couldn't stop thinking about mine and Curt's conversation from earlier. Who do I like better? How do I not know?

Curt and Riker are just so different. They're hard to compare. I've known Curt for a few years and we're really close. He's always been there for me no matter what. And then there's Riker, who I haven't known for very long. But I guess I just have a soft spot for him because of everything he deals with from his dad. Riker is always so gentle and... I don't know. There's just something special about him.

We were watching a movie right now, but I think we're all going to end up falling asleep before it's over.

I leaned my head on Riker's shoulder, and he gently put his arm around me.

Wait so does that mean I like Riker more? What if my subconscious knows who I like more? What if this is a sign?

I just don't know, and it's really bugging me. I just feel so lost in life right now.

I shut my eyes. I just need to sleep right now. I've been worrying all day. I just need some sleep.

Later...

Selena POV

When I woke up, the movie was over and it was really dark. I realized Riker wasn't next to me anymore. Curt was asleep next to me though.

I got up, looking for Riker. I checked the kitchen first. And then I saw the light on in his bedroom. I went in and found him sitting on his bed with his head in his hands.

"Riker, what's wrong? Why are you in here?" I asked.

He looked up at me. He wasn't crying, but he looked really upset.

"I want to cut."

"Did you?"

"No."

"Then what's wrong?"

"I just want to do it really bad."

I sat down beside him.

"What if I just made one cut?"

"No."

"But what if it was just one? And that's it?"

"No. It's going to be harder to stop doing it if I let you do it now."

Riker started crying and laid down on his bed.

"Riker, come on. We can talk through this."

"I want to cut, and if I do, you and Curt will be so disappointed in me! But if I don't, I'm never going to feel better, and I just feel so scared!"

"Why are you scared?"

"Because my dad got someone to install a security system on all the doors and windows so he'll know if I escape. Except my window obviously, because he nailed it shut. But what if he does something really bad? Like really hurts me? And I can't get out?"

I pulled him into a hug.

"How about this? Do you have any paper?"

He stayed in the hug for about a minute and then got me a piece of paper. I drew a star on it and then put it in his window.

"I'll be able to see that star from my window. So this is what we can do. If you're ok, leave your window blank. If you need help, put the star in your window, ok? And I will do whatever I can to help."

"Promise you'll try to help?"

"Riker, I promise. I'll even get Curt to try to help, ok? We'll do whatever we can."

He hugged me again.

"I still want to cut though."

"Do you have any blades?"

"A couple."

"Where?"

"In my bathroom."

"Go get them."

He slowly got up and walked to the bathroom. He gave me all his razor blades. I threw them in the garbage.

"I still want to cut though."

I took his hand and brought him back to the living room. We sat down on the couch again.

"Just try to get some sleep. We'll see how you feel in the morning, ok?" I asked.

"Fine..."