Lookism: What Am I Even Doing?

Chapter Twelve

Another transfer student? Who gives an actual fuck is there's another transfer student when I'm going through a life crisis right now! I shuddered. This morning Vasco texted me saying to meet him by the school gates. Like hell I was going to! 

Uncle has been really strict on my helping me around the store or working out since I still have my cast. But yesterday...I couldn't contain my energy so he eventually let me take food out. It was enough. After we closed I dragged him out with me so we could go for a run. But that's still didn't take this damn feeling away!

I thought maybe he'd forgot or something would come up but no...as I pulled up the school I saw him waiting at the school gates. His hair was gelled and combed back for some reason. He had that same scary nervous expression he always does. When I saw him I knew that I was fucked.

What the hell did I fucking do?! AHHHHHHH! So I panicked and texted him that I was going to be late. I have a bad stomach right now. Go to class, you shouldn't be late. AHHHH! I wanted to do nothing more right than curl up into a ball and hide away. I'll hide until I die of starvation if I have to.

"Ila..."

Huh? Sook pointed at the mixing bowl in my hands. Its rounded edge had now taken the shape of my right hand. Fuck! I can't even control my strength anymore. I tried to fix it as much as I could but it was no use. This bowl was messed up just like my life right now.

You'd think he'd forget after a couple days but no. Why do these damn high schoolers have such good fucking memories! Maybe...I can meet up with him like he wanted then hit him hard enough to give him a concussion. Oh yeah, Jace was there too. I guess I'll have to take care of both of them then.

Heh...hehehehe. Yes. Perfect. I'll do it during lunch.

....

Fuck this.

I couldn't even step into the damn cafeteria so now I'm hiding in the nearby girls restroom like the pathetic creature that I was. I locked myself in one of the stalls and crouched against the wall. What the hell am I doing? There's no way that I could avoid this forever. Sooner or later I'm going to run out of excuses. 

But what am I so scared of? What if he just wants to meet up like friends? Yesterday I'm pretty sure he wanted to offer me one of the fruits. Yeah, that's it. He's asking to meet up to give me some fruit. He's really nice after all.

A dark energy settled over me. Who am I kidding? Should I jump off the roof and give myself amnesia? The hospital bills are going to cut out a big chunk of my inheritance but it'll be worth it. A single pair of heavy footsteps walked into the stall next to me. I ignored the noise that followed.

Who am I kidding? I'm too scared of heights to jump from the fucking roof. Part of me really wants to talk to Sook about it. Knowing her though she'll make an even bigger deal out of it. I'm not looking for a friend to chatter with. I want advice. I need it. How about uncle? Am I that desperate?

"Hey, do you have a smoke?"

What the hell was this, a restroom party? I saw three different pairs of shoes from underneath the door. There was a light flicker from a lighter then a gentle puff of smoke. I covered my face with my shirt. Really? They could at least open the fucking window.

I should've really picked a better place to have a life crisis. I was about to get out when the atmosphere changed. I stood there at the door as they began their shit talking. That voice...one of them was Yui. Do I need to take back my gift from her? And here I was giving her the benefit of the doubt.

"Lol, did you see that fat bitch's face?"

"She's such a loser, lol."

"I really hate her."