the bargaining

no longer

it took me by surprise when I seen that you still missed me too.
It's been a couple of months with no calls, no texts but I still see you on social media living your best life.
even through the this quiet time between us I was still rooting for you because I want to see you win in every aspects of your life.
I know things didn't end well with us and that will forever haunt me.
I dreamed of you so many times before even if the dreams were short lived , I felt like I got my person back again but when I wake up, you were no where to be found. So many things in my life have changed and I've changed as a person.
I'm not quite sure if you would want to talk to me anymore after you learn how much transforming into a new person did to me.
I tend to think on the things where our bond was as strong as I hoped it will be now but it's diminished. Even if you miss me and I miss you, I feel that we can't really make it right.
so much time has passed and I'm different now.
it stings to know that I will never have my person again because after you , I couldn't find a new person because they weren't you. They weren't deeply ruined into my mind, heart and soul like you were. We didn't quite connect like me and you did and as spotty as that feels,

I can't keep holding on to a bond that was broken long ago

I have to relearn that even if I miss someone , I can't keep trying to let them back in knowing the new me will no longer accept them.