the bargaining

father figure

I wish I had more time with you.
I wish I had more time to see you smile one last time.
I wish I had more time with you to watch our shows and laugh together like we didn't have a care in the world.

I wish I could see you waving goodbye when I would leave the house.
I wish I could see you looking at me while I read a book.
I wish I could hear your laugh one more time,
I wish I could see your face with those piercing beautiful dark brown eyes.

it's almost been a decade without having you here
and let me tell you,
it's been a harsh time.
It's been a while since I've had a real smile on my face.
I miss my person.
the one who always made me laugh,
Made me feel safe,
Made me feel like nothing was wrong with me.
You made me feel sane,
You made me feel worth something,
You gave me a love that my "father" couldn't give me and for that I thank you.

I was so blessed to know you.
I was so blessed to get to spend time with you.
I was so blessed to be close to you because you were everything and more.
There's no words that could explain how I feel because I would be writing all day.

I still think about you and the memory of you and that will never change.
when I get older and if I have kids I would teach them the same lessons you taught me.
you taught me to love myself and not care if people judge me about the way I looked.
you taught me that it was possible for someone to love me and accept me for me.
you taught me that life can be beautiful if you put the right things and the right efforts into it and for that, I will forever be grateful to you.

thank you for being the first male in my life to love me like a father.

you will always be my shooting star.