nothingness of you.

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przez thefruitofher

autorstwa @thefruitofher

                                    
                                              laying on the floor
hearing the sweet sounds of silence
roam through my ears
as I close my eyes
while imagining you holding me.
you arms caressing me, 
your soft chin on my head,
your body warming up my body,
the way you're so fuzzy on the inside
telling me why I'm your dream come true. 
the way you sound.
 so soft,
so sweet,
spilling your heart out to me
was my favorite sound. 
it made me feel safe.
you made me feel safe.
now I don't have that security anymore,
I don't have that safe haven to go to anymore,
I don't have you anymore.
I've tried everything to bring you back,
I've tried everything to converse with you,
I've tried to write you emails that I know you wouldn't write back or dare check them. 
I had to let you go.
letting you go was my regret.
but I know that letting you go kept you safe from my inner terrors,
It kept you safe from all the pain and hurt that will spill on you too much if you encountered it and I couldn't let you be in pain.
I couldn't have you second guess yourself,
I couldn't have you create doubt within yourself
so I vanished you. 
I vanished you to keep you safe. 
back to reality,
tears flowing down my eyes, 
and the feeling of you went away.
as I lay there,
filled with emptiness and the nothingness of you.