Poems Don't Always Rhyme

Abandoned

It hurts, but I feel no pain
A cloudy, dower day without any rain
It's overwhelming, but awfully numb
Too much thunder with no rain to come

Am I simply broken?
Have I never truly awoken?
This promising dream becomes a nightmare
A life that will never come close to fair

A desperate fight teetering in waves
An end in sight is all I crave
But the waves are strong and pull me down
So, I guess I'll just silently drown

But my heart still decides to beat
Even though I've succumbed to the heat
Of the fire burning at my heels
And even my heart doesn't know what it feels

I've always been ready to die
And always resisted the urge to cry
I'll hide away my unshed tears
Even if I can't get past my fears

I used to be a religious boy
Until I ran out of childish joy
I realized my God had abandoned me
They were nowhere I could see

I cried and cried and begged and begged
Nothing
No wind or rain or holy ray or whatnot
No sign from above or any righteous crap, I was left to rot

I waited and waited endlessly
No dreams or prayer or voice or feeling
Just day after day, night after night, of nothing but waiting relentlessly
Nothing

"But that's selfish and conceited"
"God rewards those with faith just wait"
"You can't expect God to fix everything for you"
Why not? He apparently already controls my fate

I was told of a kind God
A righteous God
A forgiving God
A loving God
A fair God
A "Father"

I saw none of this
I never saw a kind, righteous, loving father
Does this mean I was a bad child?
Was I born as nothing but a bother?

So my faith abandoned me as I had been abandoned
My feelings left me as I had been left
My will was torn apart as I wish the world around me had been
God had come to me only once and stolen everything that made me in the ultimate theft

I had nothing, have nothing, and will never have anything
I hurt with no pain
I feel but only numb
So I wait for my refreshing rain
But I know it will never come

I have been abandoned

Why?...