After sunrise part 2

We go down together

Thursday November 17, 2022: 

Killian POV:

∞∞∞∞∞∞

Esmee hasn't spoken a word since we got into the car.

She has just been staring out of the window like a broken doll.

This isn't fair for her.

Having me in one thing. Being future queen is another. But being the daughter of the moon is the last drop in the bucket.

And right now, she is so overflown she cannot think anymore. Let alone express emotions.

To be completely honest I am overflown by my own thoughts as well.

What will this all mean? Will I lose her in the proses in her becoming the Moongoddess worrier.

I know it shouldn't, but it bothers me that she is stronger than me. That she is created to be stronger than me. But it does.

The thing that I had going for me is that I was the protector. I was the strong one.

But now she is.

It straps away my masculinity.

If she is the powerful one in the relationship, what the hell am I good for?

Who am I if I am not her protector.

I cannot take this anymore.

I press the button and the privacy screen goes up.

Esmee looks up and frowns.

I exhale, 'Anything you want to ask about today?'

Her eyebrows lift up and she opens her mouth, 'Not really. Your father explained everything perfectly fine.'

'He did.' I mumble.

She laughs sarcastically, 'I am just scared.' She whispers.

'What for?'

She shakes her head, 'Everything. A week ago I was afraid of dying in the hands of my enemies, enemies I did not even had two months. And now... now I am worried about my own powers killing me. About wars and the Moongoddess. I am worried about losing myself, my family- you.' At the last word she seems to choke on her own words.

'Hey.' I whisper.

I take off her seatbelt and pull her on my lap.

I whipe away the invisible tears, 'You will be alright.'

She nods and smiles, 'I know. It is just a lot, all at the same time. But nothing I cannot handle.'

I smile back, 'I know you can. And if we play confess, I am worried about losing you to.'

She frowns, 'Why?'

'Because you have a purpose given by the Moongoddess. And I have to serve you in this purpose. This may sound extremely selfish, but in spiritual terms you are above me in the hierarchy and my masculine side is wounded over it. I want you to need me.'

She sits up and takes my head between my hands, 'You foolish man. Don't you ever think like that. I may be spiritually above you, but in my eyes we are equals. I need you, I will always need you. You are the smartest, most accomplished person that I know. I envy you. I worship you, mind body and soul. I love you until the earth stops spinning and the heavens stop colliding. You are my rock, my light. And I do not know how to breath air that you do not exhale. I will follow you till the ends of the earth. I will walk with you through the hellfire's. Your past is all I want to be and your future is all I could be. Your purpose is my purpose. Just promise to take me along.'