path of redemption

chapter eleven.

Holy moly this guy is huge.

I looked at his confused "what are...." i begin to say as he moves toward my desk where my wipes laid . He grabs them and walks back to his seat he was occupied in . He sits down as he hands it to me. I look at it for a second and back at him . I take it with shaky hands. I take out a two wipes and pat my wet cheeks , making sure they're dry "thank you" i whisper . He nods as he slumps back in his seat. The music downstairs turns up louder as i hear giggling outside my bedroom door . The giggling fades away . Luckily i locked all the doors in the house. Don't want anyone using my parents bedroom for a quickie. I turn my attention back to him as he stares at me "why do you keep looking at me?" I ask him . He folds his big hands onto his lap , making me direct my attention to his hands.

Tattoos lined his hands and fingers and rings too. Something told me that wasn't where his tattoos ended . Who is this guy? I continue to look at his hands making me immediately feel a pulse in my core. I clenched my thighs as i imagined those up in my...

No , oh god no.

I look at him as his jaw clenches. He saw that. Mortified, i bite on my lip as i open my mouth but he beats me to it , he raspy voice fills the air "Whats your name fox?"

Fox? Is that me? I clear my throat as the alcohol clouds my head making me have to think for a bit .

Jesus christ, im wasted.

I rub my temples "Its estella romano" i state as i lean my head on the arm set of the chair im sitting in and close my eyes for a bit . Its quiet as i could hear my small breaths in and out "Does that take the physical pain away?" He says making me snap my eyes open, i turn my head towards him knowing exactly what he's referring to .

Cutting.

I look at him wondering if i should tell him or if i should just tell him to fuck off . I close my eyes again as i clear my throat "It helped at first, then i started doing it again...again...again...and again . Then it sort of became apart of the physical pain i was feeling , like i can't imagine life before i started cutting. " i breathe , he says nothing but i know he's there listening , i continue "...if that wasn't enough. Then i stopped eating , that emotionally destroyed me inside and outside. I would purposely look at magazine covers to make me feel bad about myself . I lost many things. Sleep was one of my favorite things in the world . I loved it . When i slept. Everything was gone . I dreamt of where everything was perfect , i dreamt of the life I've always craved . I just wished I would wake up and not question my existence anymore. Sleep soon became the enemy too. I started having paralysis episodes . It happened every night . It would happen some nights if i took the pills..."

What am i doing?

I let out a breath and gathered the tear that fell from my eyes , i swallowed the lump in my throat as i continued "...it was like everything i touched was a gateway to hurting myself. The pills were there to help me with sleeping. Instead i used them to off myself plenty of times. I didn't know when food became one of the many things i was afraid of . I became so emotionally destroyed. I was tired more , my hair fell out . My cheeks were hollow and my eyes lifeless to the point where i thought i was gonna die . This wasn't me tonight. I usually drown in the sweatpants i own . And the hoodies my barrier and my hair was always a mess This dress . The makeup . Boys didnt even stop and stare. Sometimes i wished i was the girls they spoke about. The "shes pretty or "id hit that" Everything was just a coverup to hide who i really was ...broken."

By the time i was done explaining, my cheeks were wet and stained by the salty moisture.

Its quiet , but i know he's there . He listened to every single word i spat out . He saw me bare and i didnt care. For once it felt good to let my barrier break for a second.

I look at him and he's staring straight , his fists is clenched as my eyes roll to the back . Gosh im tired.

I feel my body begin to slump in the uncomfortable chair . Five minutes turned into ten , but i knew he was still there . I could feel his piercing stare. As i begin to fall into the darkness im too familiar with , i feel my body being picked up making me jolt in my sleep a quiet "shh" makes me relax into the warm chest that smelled like mint. I felt myself being put down onto a soft surface.

My bed .

Blankets engulfed me as the stranger tucked me in , i heard movement in my room and the sound of a page tearing? And a pen noise?

I snuggle into the warmth of my pillow as i hear the sound of a page being crumpled up and put on my desk . I felt him moving away. His presence moving further and further away making me feel instantly empty again , i heard the sound of the double doors of my balcony door closing and then he was gone.

I just spilled my entire life story to a complete stranger.
Do i regret it? Maybe.
Am i going to regret it later? Probably.

As im about to fall into deep slumber i feel bile rising up my throat.

It probably wasnt a good idea to not eat and drink. I snap my eyes open and double over my bed as i run to my bathroom , i pile over the toilet seat as i spill my guts out , i look at my vomit . Water . Plain water . No food nothing. After i was done , i started brushing my teeth and walked right back out. I walked to my bedroom door and locked it with the key i kept safe in my underwear draw. I walked back to my bed , feeling my stomach quench making me groan . I go to lay but something white catches my attention on my desk , its a piece of paper and a chocolate ? I pick up the small note as i hold it into my hand , a mans handwriting was on the note. I squinted my eyes to try to see what was on it. A name.

Zaid

That his name? Zaid? His name brought instant warmth to my stomach as blush coated my cheeks. I looked at the chocolate. He wanted me to eat? Where did he even get this? So he was listening to everything i said. I sit in my bed as i open the wrapper carefully. I dont know what possessed me to eat.

I sniffed the chocolate, at the smell of food , made my stomach drop. I took a small bite out of the chocolate. Sweet milky chocolate bursted onto my toungue as i let out a small moan.

Gosh i forgot what it was like to taste chocolate.

Two bites turned into five and next i know i crumpled up the wrapper and put it onto my desk , i put the note into my desk as i layed my head onto the pillow . I hugged myself. As i felt myself drifting off . There was one thing different about me sleeping tonight.

I had the faintest smile on my face as sleep swept me up and carried me away. And theres only one thing on my mind.

Who is this guy?

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