Carry On The Will ( luffy x oc female )

chapter 34

" do you ever miss him?" 

now that she had asked the question Jules was kind of regretting it. cause luffy didn't say anything. really he was just silent for like 5 seconds but those 5 seconds felt like 5 hours. this was bad. she shouldn't have asked that question. she knew how much it hurts to talk or even think about him. she is just hurting luffy with this question. jules's mind was going haywire, overthinking at its peak.

on the other hand luffy was thinking. a rear time when he actually thought before he spoke. should he tell her it all or just subtle it down. he wasn't the one to lie. he would tell her the truth about everything that he experienced after that incident but till what extent she could handle. he knew how much it hurt to even think about his brother. she was already the most hurt person with that incident. luffy wondered what to exactly say.

(he was the most hurt, I don't want to hurt him more.)                                                                                         ( she was hurt the most, I don't want to hurt her more.)

both of them thought as they sat in silence.

" I do." luffy said breaking the silence. "I miss him a lot every day of my life I miss him." jules stiffened at it. she didn't dare to turn and look him in the eye. she knew she would see pain. pain she herself felt. " but it doesn't hurt as much as it did before." luffy says with a fond smile. remembering his brother's smile. 

jules looked at him in wonder. she thought he was the one hurting the most in this world with Ace's death but here he was saying it doesn't hurt. luffy chluked looking at her confused face. " it hurt before. after that day I was severely injured, almost died shishishishi, but torao saved me. he saved my life and I woke after some time. i was furious with myself for not being able to save him. i freed him from the execution platform but still couldn't save him. i blamed myself for his death and doubted myself too." luffy said staring in Jules's big turquoise eyes and then looking away to stare at the sea again.

" it was not your fault. honestly you were the one who saved him. so its not your fault.............. its mine. i shouldn't have come out. i shouldn't have panicked and gone against Oyaji's orders. i shouldn't have come there and interacted with him. they neavy would have never doubted that I was carrying Ace's baby and Akainu would have never targeted me. you not only saved him but saved me too. if I wasn't there you wouldn't have gotten in Akainu's way and Ace wouldn't have had to save you. its all my fault luffy not yours." Jules wasn't able to handle it anymore. as she kept on looking at the sea hot tears streamed down her eyes. her vision blurred and her lips quivered. 

" oi what are you saying? its not your fault. you are his lover. Of course, you would get anxious about his safety. you were pregnant too and of course, you would want to see him safe and show him the baby. its not your fault at all." luffy said almost offended. " well then its not even yours." Jules said back. luffy mumbled whatever and looked away. this lightned up the mood a little and Jule finally wiped her cheeks as more tears stopped flowing.

" I miss him too. a lot honestly. and it hurts. it hurts a lot to realize again and again that he is not here. every time I see Rose doing something for the first time of achieving something or just simple cute moments I wish he was here. i imagine how he would react to all this. sometimes I wonder what kind of a father he would have been for Rose. sometimes when things get hard I wish I had his comfort. his warm hugs that calmed me down and helped me think straight. i miss every single habit, every single word, every single action and every damn single freckle on his face, I miss him and I miss the life we had, the moments we had. 

by the time Jules had finished saying that she was practically sobbing. it felt so light to finally let it out. tell it to someone who would actually understand. since marco left with the rest of the crew now finally she had let it all out and said it. all these thoughts were eating her up and now that she had said it out loud it felt better. 

all the while luffy sat there silent, not interrupting. he knew she needed this. he had too cried out many times and felt better after venting. though his venting was more aggressive like taking down the would forest but he knew what Jules was feeling. 

" why did he leave me Luffy?  you know he promised me. he promised me that when both of us are ready and our dreams come true we will settle down somewhere together and start a new phase of life. he promised me we would get married." Jule said facing Luffy with her tear-stained face and still more and more tears falling down her face. 

" you see this luffy?" she showed the delicate ring placed on her ring finger. " he gave me this ring. he asked me to marry him 2 years ago. that's when we promised each other. how can he leave me after all this. why did he leave me after all this. it hurts luffy it hurts too much. without him every thing feels incomplete. every day my every moment with Rose it feels incomplete. i love him so much luffy." 

before she could register Luffy's expression and understand his reaction her vision could only see yellow strawhat very up close. in a moment she registered what was happening. luffy was hugging her, his arms wrapped multiple times around her. the hug was warm and comforting. all her tight and tense muscles melted in the warmth and comfort of the hug. " he is a liar and a bastard for breaking his promise. he promised me too, saying he would never die. he is a huge huge liar.......... and we have every right to be mad at him but........... but we shouldn't cry at his memory. he would hate to see us like this crying and breaking down at just his memory. he would hate to see YOU cry like this. we should smile and laugh at his memories. he would like to see us like that. happy and living our lives to the fullest. cause even though he lived with hate for himself and his father, he lived HIS life to the fullest and so should we."

 he was right. jules knew he was right. maybe not immediately but slowly, maybe she can do it too. maybe she will stop hurting at his memory too like luffy had. he didn't cry at Ace's memory anymore. yes he felt sad but he had gotten over it and he had learned to think of Ace with happiness rather than sadness. maybe she could do it to. no she has to do it. if she wants to raise Rose with happiness she has to be happy herself and she can do that by getting over Ace's death. 

yes he is her love, the love of her life, the person she wanted to spend the rest of her life, but she has a daughter too and she has her own life too, and Ace wouldn't want her to waste it by always crying.

instead of replying to Luffy she just tightened the hug. letting Luffy know she understood. for some more time the two stayed like that hugging each other and then stared at the sea in comfortable silence. ironic for luffy to sit so still but it felt nice. he might actually do this from time ti time to relax, just sit by the railing and stare at the sea. 

just like that the two didn't even realize when they fell asleep.