The Third Life of Helena Blackmoore

27. Confession

Helena gasped and woke up in her bed. Her heart was beating fast while her body was covered in cold sweat. After the poisoning incident in Concubine Elena's place, Helena kept having reoccurring nightmares. She could not forget her villainy in her second life.

Perhaps it was the curse of carrying her memories. Helena might bore no consequences of her past. Everything returned to the beginning as her villainous act never existed. Everyone went on with their life as if nothing happened except her. She could forget her previous life, yet she could not. Helena did not know how she coped with this guilt. Why did she do it? Was power, wealth and vanity blinded her that much?

"Lady Blackmoore?"

Eric Taupe's snapped Helena from her thought. His superior had stood without moving for minutes. Helena went to the church this morning as part of her routine. Right now, she was standing in front of the orphanage. Visiting the place when she had a problem was not a good idea.

"My Lady, are you all right?"

"I am good, just lacking sleep."

"Lady Blackmoore!"

Jeremy and Lilian ran toward her. Helena pulled sweets from her pouch. "Here are some candies. Share it with other kids, okay."

The children smiled at her. "Thank you!"

Helena's body was quivering. She saw the shadow of Second Life Lilian behind her. The sight of a little girl who lost her father cried alone at a funeral and cursed her under the drizzling rain.

"Lady Blackmoore!"

Sister Mary was shaking her body. Helena realized she had been spacing out.

"Are you all right? I keep calling your name, but you do not hear me."

"I am sorry, Sister Mary. I don't feel well today."

"You should rest at home today instead of coming here. Don't force yourself."

Helena's face was dark. The old nun sighed and sat her down on the bench. "Is there a problem, Lady Blackmoore?"

"No. I am fine! I-" Helena was hesitating and biting her lip. Was it proper to tell Sister Mary about her struggle? The nun smiled gently and touched her hand.

"Lady Blackmoore. You help us without expecting any reward. This time, please let us help you."

Helena felt tears drop down her cheek. When was the last time she spoke about her issue? She had buried this feeling for a long time. Helena was crying until her tears dried up. After she was calm, she began to tell her story.

"Sister Mary, do you believe in the second chance?"

"I do."

"It is my friend. What if she was given a chance to change her destiny but wasted it by doing awful things?"

The old nun knew Helena was talking about herself. She decides to pay no mind to it. "Hmm. Does that person regret their action?"

"Yes."

"Then I say it is fine. We humans are bound to make mistakes, Lady Blackmoore. What matters is whether we reflect on it or not. We must learn from it and move on. Dwelling on your flaws will make everything worse. The only thing we can do is try to find peace and atone for our sin."

Atonement.

Perhaps it was the reason Helena received her third life. Sister Mary was right. Helena might be a villainess in her second life, but she reflected on her mistake. Thinking about her past victim would not change anything. Helena felt the burden on her shoulder a bit lighter now.