ONLY ON CAMERA | JUDE BELLINGHAM

051.

— CHAPTER FIFTY ONE
❝YOU WERE WRONG❞

— HARMONY —

I'M BLINKING away my tears as I pack my suitcase. Trying my best to hold back the tears begging to escape.

I'm hoping Jude doesn't come back into the room right now. Don't want him to see me cry. I feel embarrassed and stupid and exposed.

Once I've finished packing I go to the bathroom. Wipe off all of my makeup. Stare down at my ring for a few moments. The most beautiful ring with the most beautiful sentiment behind it.

I snap myself out of my thoughts and continue getting ready for bed. I finally slip into bed twenty minutes later. Staring up at the ceiling. Jude's still not here. I wonder what he's doing. And then I start thinking that maybe he's with a girl, since he's clearly so uninterested in me. And that makes my heart hurt.

I hear the door open and I quickly shut my eyes. Turn on my side and pretend to sleep. Can't face him after tonight. Don't want to.

I hear his footsteps walking back and forth. Hear his suitcase unzip, some more walking back and forth and then it zips again. Hear him go into the bathroom, come back out.

I feel the bed dip, hear his head turn on the pillow to face me. And then nothing. Stillness. I open my eyes. He's my first view. His eyes are shut. Sleeping already.

He looks beautiful. All he's doing is sleeping and he looks beautiful. Hate him for that. Hate him for this whole night. Hate myself for believing we could be something.

My eyes well up the longer I look at him. My heart was on my sleeve and now it's fallen to the floor and someone's accidentally stepped on it. That someone being Jude.

The worst feeling is being in love with someone who doesn't feel the same. Feels like absolute shit.

I turn away from him, looking back up at the ceiling. Gulp as the events from tonight run around my head. Play on a loop.

I feel him shift. I glance over at him for a second only to see him looking back at me.

My eyes dart to the ceiling. His do the same. We're both laying on our backs looking up at the ceiling that isn't remotely interesting.

"Hi." He says quietly. Hesitantly.

"Hey." I respond back. My voice breaking a little.

Then there's silence. He doesn't say another word and neither do I. Even though I have so much to say. Even though I want to scream at him. Tell him he made me feel like an idiot. That I love him and he's broken my heart.

I turn to face the window and force my eyes closed even though I won't be able to sleep.

It's six am when I wake up. Sleep wasn't much of a factor. All night I was thinking. Even though my eyes were closed my brain was going.

I look outside, the suns just rising. I slip out of bed, push on my sliders and walk outside to the balcony we have. Smile a little as I feel the warm and crisp morning sun shining on my face.

Exhale deeply. My hearts still heavy. Feels like there's an elephant on it. And I have a pit in my stomach.

I walk back into the room, grab my key card and walk out. On my way to Aaliyahs. Not sure if she'll even be awake but she gave me her extra key card the other day so it doesn't even matter. I'll be able to get in.

When I arrive I tap the key card on the door and it opens. When I walk in, she's awake to my surprise. In bed surfing through her phone but awake.

"Hey." She greets me sweetly. Both confused and happy to see me all mixed in one.

"Hi." I smile sadly taking a seat on the bed.

"Did you two talk?" She asks immediately. It's the hot topic and question.

I nod. Press my lips together to stop myself from crying.

"You were wrong." I say with a cracked voice. Comes out in a squeak. My tears start to fall and I finally break down. Aaliyah immediately pulls me into a hug as I cry into her shoulder.

"Harms, what happened? What do you mean?" She asks worriedly.

"He doesn't feel the same way. He wants to go back to how things were. Wants to keep things professional. Doesn't see why we have to make what happened two nights ago a big deal." I reveal to her.

"That stupid man!" She mutters as she rubs my back.

She pulls back a little so she can see me. Starts to wipe my tears and then cups my cheek.

"Hey, it's going to be okay." She comforts me.

"He's just...he's just scared harms. That's all. He loves you. I know he does. We can all see that."

"If he loves me...why would he do this. Say all of that." I cry. Looking at her through teary eyes.

She sighs, looks down for a second.

"I don't know. I really don't know." She just holds me tight. Rubbing my back in small circle motions.

After my well needed cry sesh, I return back to my hotel room. Jude's already up and ready. Suitcase is at the door and he's dressed.

"Oh...hey." He sits up straighter as I enter.

"Hi." I avoid his eyes.

I don't say another word to him, I just go into the bathroom and get ready.

An hour later we're all checking out, I'm saying my goodbyes to my family who are flying separately. Turns out the same private jet that flew us here is flying us back.

I hold my mum and sister tightly. I need a hug more than anything right now. Say goodbye to my grandparents, Iris' husband and my niece and nephew and then we part ways.

The minute I get to my seat on the plane I turn and look out of the window. Jude's sitting opposite me. I can feel his eyes on me but I refuse to look back at him. Think I'll cry if I do.

So funny how when we were last here on this plane I was curled up in his lap, watching my favourite movie with one of my favourite people. And now, because of these stupid feelings I have and his lack of, we're sitting here acting like we're strangers. Like we haven't shared some amazing moments together. Like we didn't sleep together. Like that isn't a big deal. It's all so fucked up.

Two more months i think to myself. Two more months and then this torture will be over. I won't have to see him every day. My feelings will go away and life will be normal again.

— hey....hey...how
y'all doing 🧍🏾‍♀️