Chapter 24

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"Ellie. Ellie wake up" my mom said shaking me awake.

"mom? what are you doing here?" I asked tired sitting up.

"you left me a message begging me to come! and you didn't answer when I called all night." She said.

"i-im sorry I fell asleep" I said rubbing my eyes.

"get up Ellie were leaving." She said picking things off the floor and I stood up

"no no no, you don't understand. we can't. Jeremiah and conrad they needed my help." I said

"there is no excuse. none. I hope last night was worth it because I am so done with you" She said.

"mom we didn't come here to party it just happen. we came- we came here for Susannah." I said.

"I can't stand to hear you use her as an excuse one more time." she said

"you can't stand me period. ever since the funeral you have been so angry with me." I said with my eyes tearing up.

"what do you want me to say? that you embarrassed me?! that you made that day all about you when it was supposed to be about Susannah?!" She yelled.

"yes! Yes! And I know you hate me for it okay?! but you will never hate me more than I do myself!" I yelled.

"Oh come on. We are not doubg this here let's go." She said picking up more things.

"im- I'm not going anywhere." I said as she dropped everything and grabbed my wrist but I yanked it away.

"No! The only mistake I made was thinking you could help! Susannah would never forgive you for abandoning her boys! She would never-" I said but then my mom's hand slapped me across the face and I gasped.

I just looked at her and speed walked out my empty bedroom door.

"ellie!" She yelled out and I turned around and saw jere and conrad standing outside their bedroom doors and I just ran outside. I ran all the way down the house to the beach. the one place that never failed to make me feel better.

"you want some company?" Jeremiah asked me as he came up behind me on the beach. I just nodded as he sat down.

"everything's a mess." I said with a chuckle.

We stayed silent for a minute until I started talking.

"I knew, you guys talked about me in the fall. but I had no idea he came..begging for your blessing" I said.

"can you not, actually?" He asked and I put my head in my hands and sniffled.

"I'm sorry. I keep trying to make everything right and I just keep fucking it up." I said picking my head back up.

"It's not just about you Ellie. conrad and I are mad at each other for all kinds of stuff." He said.

"jere whatever you think is going on between conrad and I your wrong. there is nothing left in my heart for him. I may have loved him once but..he never treated me the way you did. I'll always love you as more than a friend jere. I want you to know that." I reassured him.

"Nobody gets over their first love ellie." He said and we locked eyes.

"I may have loved him first, but your the first boy I've ever loved with all my heart. with my whole soul. Your the first boy I've ever slow danced with, ever cried over, ever truly and whole heartedly loved." I said.

"I love you ellie" he said to me.

"I love you too jere." I said as he kissed me on the lips but only a peck. We both knew it didn't feel right to fully makeout at this time.

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