A Red Rose - Hyunlix

49

Felix's POV

I was still blissfully asleep when Siria came into the room, opening the window wide and taking the covers off me. I covered my eyes, trying to figure out who she was.

"Felix!" she exclaimed loudly.

"Siria," I grumbled, half asleep.

"You've been sleeping for two days!"

"What time is it?"

"It's time to wake up, get up, my friend."

I turned with my stomach against the mattress and tried to close my eyes. I didn't want to remember what had happened with Hyunjin.

I didn't want to become that troubled boy with a broken heart again.

It's not fun anymore. I don't want to continue with this life. It's not how I imagined it as a child; it's disgusting. Absolutely disgusting because just when you have a moment of happiness, life will give you something horrible right after. It's not cool to see the boy you love cheating on you with someone else. It's not cool at all. And I wish I had been born in the body and life of one of those guys for whom life is a smooth road, without curves and uphill battles. I wish I had an easy life. I wish I could be happy, but what have I done to not deserve it?

"Felix, I made pancakes. Do you like them?" I turned and looked at her, and at that moment, I burst into tears because they were the ones that Hyunjin always made, and eating them would only push me further into that bottomless abyss without light where I was already sinking. Hyunjin was my weakness, and now that he was gone, everything that reminded me of his eyes or the moments we spent together hurt so damn much. It was a pain I didn't know how to handle because it was so strong that it burned throughout my body and infiltrated every corner and curve like a damn virus.

"Oh God, Felix, are you okay?" She sat down next to me, hugging me.

"N-no, I feel d-devastated without him."

"H-He always made me p-pancakes. I can't handle it."

"Oh, fuck, I'm sorry, I really didn't mean to..." She looked around and then continued, "Would you like me to prepare a grapefruit, maybe?" I froze for a second, remembering that time when, after inducing vomiting, he had prepared a grapefruit for me. And then, he had touched me, caressed me, knowing that his touch drove me crazy, and he told me he would keep touching me if I didn't eat it, so I dove into the plate full of fruit. [Chapter 29 - Promise]

I missed those beautiful moments when his touch made my heart explode. And now he was no longer by my side, embracing me and running his fingers through my hair as he always did when I had crises. I no longer felt his warmth that warmed me and gave me comfort; I no longer felt his soft lips on mine or his hands on my hips, capable of making my heart tremble. He wasn't with me anymore, and maybe he didn't love me anymore either.

Siria hugged me, trying to calm me down. I hated showing myself so weak to people, but crying was the only way I could release my emotions. I tried to calm down, and I saw her go to the living room. I took that opportunity to check my phone: there were messages from Hyunjin and 14 missed calls.

Hyunjin, Love of My Life <3

____________

Felix, I'm waiting for you at home.

If you ever want to come back, I'll be waiting. I won't hurt you anymore.

I love you.

_____________

I didn't reply to the messages. I knew him well enough to know that he wanted to give me my space to think about what I should do. What should I do? I didn't know; my mind was empty, and my eyes were filled with tears.

I walked to the kitchen, stumbling. I had no strength in my body, and I felt like I was dying inside and out. Siria rushed over to me with a box of tissues, taking me by the arm and helping me sit at the table.

"Shall I make you some coffee, okay?"

"Thank you," I ate some pancakes, trying to erase the memories of Hyunjin and not burst into tears again.

"Felix, how are you?"

"Like shit."

"Mmmh, do you still love him after what he did to you?"

"Y-yes..."

"And why don't you go back to him?"

"I-I don't know..."

"Well, he doesn't deserve you after what he did. He's an asshole, but sooner or later, you'll have to decide whether to go back to him or build a life where you have nothing to do with Hyunjin anymore."

Build a life without him? I would die, either by my own hand or by the hands of my heart.

"What do you think?" she asked, looking at me.

"My mind is blank," I whispered.

"Okay, then listen to me. I'll book an appointment for you with my friend, a psychologist nearby. At least it will help you clear your mind. From today on, you'll come around with me. Enjoy your vacation here on Jeju before going back to Seoul, and then you'll decide what to do."

"It might take months before I figure out what to do," I said.

"Then you'll stay with me in Seoul, but know that you'll have to find a job and lift your spirits because I don't want a ghost in my house; I want a person, okay?"

"Of course."

"Alright, finish eating, and let's go shopping. You only came here with your phone; I think you'll definitely need something else." She got up from the chair and grabbed her wallet and phone.

We went shopping, and I bought some clothes. She helped me with comments and fashion feedback.

I felt more carefree in those moments, but as soon as I returned home, a huge weight fell on me again, dragging me back into that abyss of pain. Would I be able to climb back up on my own?