A Red Rose - Hyunlix

44

Hyunjin's POV

I messed up big time. A fucking mess, and I have no idea how the hell to get out of it.

"Felix, please, come out," I said convincingly. I had to get him out of there because Felix had already attempted suicide not too long ago, and I was afraid he might do it again. And this time, it would be my fault.

I received no response. I sat with my knees against the bathroom door and heard him crying. My heart shattered into two pieces: one half belonged to him, and I had broken it.

"Felix," I whispered desperately. He stopped crying.

"I messed up...," I started, knowing he was listening.

"I understand your choice because it's my fault, but... please come out," I spoke, and I heard him move. So I got up, and the door opened. I instinctively approached Felix, but he refused me. His face was all red, his cheeks wet from tears, his eyes bloodshot, and I could read the pain in his expression.

"D-don't touch me," he said uncertainly. He stepped out and distanced himself from me. I found myself respecting his space because I understood. I disgusted myself as well, let alone him.

"I think we should... end it here," he announced, looking down. My heart shattered again.

"B-but we're in Jeju, let's go back home first," I tried to dissuade him. He had no one but me, and I couldn't let him go. Where would he go? More tears escaped from his eyes, and my hand trembled because I wanted to go over there and comfort him, but I was the problem, causing too many problems.

"Let's go back home. Please," I pleaded, desperation evident in my voice.

"Why did you do it?" he asked, avoiding eye contact. And fuck, I didn't even know either. Maybe because of the alcohol, maybe because I wanted to numb my brain, even though it didn't justify it.

"I don't know," I admitted, running a hand through my hair.

"You should've come to me!" he exploded, and I flinched.

"To use you? Felix, I would have hurt you physically and emotionally. I couldn't do that."

"It hurts more now...," he whispered to himself.

"Why? Why have you always been by my side, wiping away my tears, and now you betray me like this? Did you plan everything to destroy me? Thanks! You succeeded; now I feel like shit because of what you did," he shouted, tears streaming down his face, finally looking me in the eyes.

Fuck. Did I make him feel this bad? Now I truly feel like shit myself...

"I'm sorry," I said. What else could I say?

"I can't take it anymore. Isn't there a damn person in this damn world who won't hurt me?" he yelled, and then he took off the ring, the one I had given him on Valentine's Day. He took it off his finger, and before he threw it, I rushed towards him and stopped him, embracing him.

"You are my life, so stay with me. Know that if you run away, I will chase after you. If you go to Mars, I will follow you there," I whispered in his ear, then held him as tightly as I could. He burst into tears, and my eyes filled with tears too. I held him even tighter and started whispering all the apologies I could utter.

"I'm sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry," I repeated endlessly.

"I love you, stay with me," I whispered again, as his body trembled against mine.

I heard footsteps behind me, and then I got slapped straight in the face. I turned around abruptly, and the first person I saw was Siria. The girl from the hospital, the one who gave me a lot of advice on how to handle the situation with Felix.

"S-Siria?" I stammered, what was she doing here in Jeju?

"You piece of shit! What did I tell you about Felix? He would take his own life just to be with you! What the hell is wrong with you, you son of a bitch! What's in that little head of yours? A watermelon?!" she burst out, but when she realized I was hugging Felix, she smiled shyly and alternated her gaze between me and him.

"Oops, did you resolve it?"

I hugged Siria.

"I missed you, friend. How are you?"

"I'm fine, no complaints. If it wasn't for you, I'd be better," she said with a hint of reproach.

I approached Felix, cupped his cheek with my hand, and then gave him a kiss on the corner of his mouth. I smiled at him and made sure he still had the ring. He seemed calmer, even though his eyes were bloodshot from crying.

"Is everything okay? Shall we go back to the apartment?" I whispered softly, touching his shoulder, and he nodded. I could see that he was more exhausted than me, and he was also drunk.

"Hey, how about tomorrow we go to a pastry shop for breakfast together?" I asked, and we exchanged numbers for any necessary communication.

I drove to the seaside apartment and helped Felix climb the stairs. He was on the verge of falling asleep standing up, so I held him by the waist and pulled him towards me.

I made him lie down on the king-size bed, tucked him in, and then headed for the shower, as if to wash away the mistake I had made, which was weighing on my conscience as well as my skin.

Fortunately, some clarity returned to me, which caused me to fall into a deep abyss. Now Felix was hurting because of me, and if I had always been the one to comfort him, who would do it now? I'm a mess, I disgust myself.

I put on a pair of shorts and slipped under the covers. I had an extreme need for contact, so I approached Felix and hugged him, pulling him close to me. He was half asleep but curled up against my chest, and I gave him a kiss on the head.

Guilt shook my soul, and unintentionally, tears slid down my cheeks. I couldn't control them. I bit my cheek to suppress any noise, but unfortunately, a sob escaped. Felix woke up and looked at me, sad and surprised by the situation. I let go and cried, covering my eyes with my hand.

"Hyunjin...," he whispered sadly.

"I'm s-sorry," I cried. He climbed onto my chest and rested his head at heart level, embracing me.

"Felix, I'm sorry. Please don't leave me," I whimpered like a child. He removed my hand from my face and wiped away my tears. He held my cheeks and kissed me passionately.

"Don't worry, I won't leave you. But promise me you won't do it again," he said, though his lip trembled, and he was about to cry.

I wrapped my arms around his waist and hugged him, touched his exposed hips, and gently caressed them, without any malice.

"I don't know why I did it. She c-came there, and a moment later, she d-dragged me into the room, she undressed me, and... I'm sorry, truly sorry. I won't do it again. I promise."

"I love you," she whispered sweetly.

"I love you too," I replied.