Infatuated

Waiting Room

My dad is still in the hospital. He has been on life support for the last week. Not speaking, eating, or drinking. He doesn't do anything. My mother forced me out of the hospital to attend practices and games. I had my first game without my parents being there two days ago. Sarah was there but it still hurt to see their seats filled by people I had never seen before. All of my classes are online so I do them at the hospital. I only leave for practices and games. I haven't spent any time with Sarah or Caroli. Sarah and I have been arguing and basically ignoring each other. It's eating me alive. I keep shutting her off and telling her to leave me alone when that's the opposite of what I want. She's trying to hard so be there for me but i'm not use to having someone want to support me and know what i'm thinking. I've tried to apologize but I almost never see her anymore since she works and has class and I mostly sleep at the hospital.

I know my dads going to die soon. They said that if he was unresponsive for a few weeks while being on life support then we would have to make the decision to either pull the plug or continue. I don't know what we we are going to do. I try not to think about it often.

But now, it's 2 am. I'm sitting in the hospital room. Staring at my unresponsive father. Max in asleep on the bonus couch that they give you. I've loved having my brother here but we are handling this so differently. He had a different relationship with my dad. He acts as if it doesn't affect him, but I know it does. I know I need some sleep but my mind won't stop going a hundred miles per hour. I close my eyes and try to erase everything that is happening around me.

*7:17 am*

I wake up to a loud and fast beeping sound. The hospital room is dark besides the small lamp beside my father. It takes me a few seconds to register the sound but then I realize.

"Shit-." I whisper to myself. I realize it's the heart monitor. I jump out of the chair and run over to the bed. I smash the nurse button and shake my brother awake. "Max! Wake the fuck up." Nurses come running down the hallway. There's 3 of them. They move quickly to my father. Saying words and phrases that don't mean anything to me. They quickly start to mess with the machines and rip wires from the monitor. They pull the robe from my fathers chest and begin CPR. Then, a doctor comes in along with 2 more nurses.

"Okay guys, i'm going to have to ask you to leave the room while we work this out." One of the nurses says calmly while shooing my brother and I out of the room.

"Hell no! We are staying in this fucking room." Max begins to yell back.

I grab his arm. "Just listen to them. Come on."

We move into the hallway. Max slams his back into the wall and crouches down. I watch through the open window of the room. They are tearing things off my fathers chest and pumping new liquids and watching the machines move. I move away from the window quickly and call my mom and Sarah.

"Hey mom, something's happening with dad. . . No i'm not sure but you need to get here as soon as you can. . . Okay . . . I love you bye." I hang up and pull up Sarah's contact number. I hesitate at first, but I know she would want to be here.

"Hey Sarah. . . No, it's dad. . . We aren't sure but it's not good. . . My guess is another heart attack. . . You don't have to come I just wanted you to know . . . Okay . . . Love you bye." I shove my phone back into my pocket and take the place beside my brother.

"I called Sarah and Mom. Moms on her way." I say to Max. He doesn't respond. We sit in silence until I see my mother running down the hall. They live like 2 minutes from the hospital so I knew she'd be here fast. She stops in front of us and moves to the window quickly. Her hand moves to her mouth as she watches the doctors and nurse work on him. I stand up quickly and move in front of her. She buries her head into my chest and cries. I wrap my arms around her. We stay silent. This is hard.

Finally, the main doctor exits the room slowly with her head down. She walks closer to my brother and I along with my mother. My mom pulls away from me and looks at the doctor with pleading eyes.

"I'm so sorry." The doctor says quietly and slowly.

Mom grabs my arms to stabilize her. "Is he gone?" Tears flood from her eyes.

"Yes. I'm afraid it was another major heart attack." The doctor says quietly to my mother. "We will take his vitals and death report and will talk about the leaving process. I'm so sorry guys." The doctor walks away to the other nurses and grabs her clipboard.
Mom turns to me and breaks down. Tears fall down my cheek. My brother rubs his head and falls to the ground again. After a few minutes, mom pulls away.

"I need to see him." She keeps her eyes on the ground and moves to hospital room slowly. I stay behind and watch her through the glass. She grabs hold on my fathers hand and cries on his chest.

Suddenly I hear someone running behind me. Sarah. A weight of relief lifts from my chest when I see her.

Sarah
Max is on the floor i'm a cradle position and Dax is standing still. I begin to run towards him. When I'm close enough I can see his bloodshot eyes.

No. No. No. This can't be.

I'm standing in front of him now. I don't say a word. Tears flood from his eyes immediately. He begins sob. I drop my bags and pull him into me. His arms are hung loosely around me but his grip is tight. He cries harder and harder into my shoulder. I stand on my tip toes and rub his head. I know. Dax continues to let everything out. I don't say anything.  Tears escape from my eye.

He can't be gone.

He can't be gone.

He can't be gone.

He's gone.