Infatuated

Caring

Trigger Warning ⚠️
Panic Attack

I woke up suddenly. I checked the time. 4 am. My heart was racing. It was hard to breathe. My chest feels like it's collapsing. I tried to get out of bed without waking Dax up, I opened my nightstand drawer and grabbed my meds. I raced out of the room and downstairs. I tried to find the front door but it was so dark. I finally reached it and pulled it open. I tried to breathe the fresh air in. Tears flooded my eyes and ran down my cheeks. I had a dream of my dad. He was here. He was in the house and he was taking Caroline away from me. I slid down the wall and onto the ground. I continue to cry and struggle for air. My lungs burned. I finally was able to stop crying. I rested my head upward and took deep breathes.

These didn't happen often but when they did, they were awful. I'm not sure how they are triggered. I want them to stop. My heart was still racing but I wasn't crying. I waited 10 more minutes. Once I feel mostly back to normal, I go back into the house and head back in the bedroom. It was still dark. A breathe of relief escaped me. I didn't want him to see me like this. I rinsed my face with cold water in the bathroom and crawled back into bed. God that was terrible.

*The following morning*

I woke up around 8 in the morning. It was Caroline's birthday today. The plan was that she would hang out with Dax for a few hours while Lauren and I set up my aunts house for her party. Then they would bring her and we'd celebrate. When I rolled over, Dax was gone. I sat up and saw him leaning over bathroom sink, he was looking at something. Shit- my meds. I left them in there.

"Dax?" I called

He didn't move, "Dax?"

He turned around, pill bottle in hand. He walked over to me and sat on the bed in front of me.

"Why didn't you tell me that you had panic attacks?"

I look at him with a smile, "Dax, it's not that big of a deal. They are just for anxiety."

He looks serious, "Sarah, this is serious. Why didn't you tell me? Is that what you were doing this morning?" My heart dropped.

"I don't know what you're talking about Dax." I play dumb.

"You know exactly what i'm talking about. You got up this morning and left the room and didn't come back for 20 or 30 mins. I heard you."

"Why didn't you go after me? I thought you were asleep?"

"Because I thought you were going to get something to eat, and when you came back, you seemed fine." He moves closer to me. "Sarah."

I get off the bed, "Don't "Sarah" me. I'm fine. I don't need pity from you."

He looks at me with a hurt expression, "I'm just trying to help, Sarah. Don't get mad at me just because you think I don't need to know."

"You don't need to know! It's not like your my boyfriend or something. You're just letting me stay here out of the pity of yourself." I was breathing hard now. I wasn't mad at him, I was mad at myself. I didn't want to get attached, and that's exactly what was happening.

His face turned serious and cold, "Fine. You can be mad at me when all I do is try to care for you. I know you're not mad at me. I'll go get C ready to go." He walks out and shuts the door behind him. I sat down on the bed and tried to collect my thoughts. I decided to not let this argument take over my day. I got dressed to leave.