Random Thoughts

eyes

  You walk into the bathroom, look at yourself in the mirror.
  Great... There's no way those red, puffy eyes will fade till morning.

  You look down browsing on your phone.
  Let's take a picture.. you think. It'll be interesting to look back in a few months or years.

  You look back up, eyes on your phone you take the first picture..
  Now we look at the result and ..

  You think to yourself 'well this is an ugly picture, my face looks nothing like that's round face, weirdly dark eyes compared to your usually light brown irises filled with green stripes.
  The proof is right here, if we just gaze back in the mirror we...

  You stop.
  See? My jawline is sharper, and face is less puffy

  You take another picture.. but it's blurry.
  Still.. that person in the picture looks even less like you with their overly dark eyes and weird complexion.

  You look back up and..
  That's not you. The you we all know doesn't look like this, do they?

  You feel chills going down your spine. You look in their eyes and can't find any similarities.
  Even if the hours of crying left subtle changes, THIS would be ridiculous.

  You avoid their gaze, it's cold and leaves your system close to a trigger of fight or flight.
  Suddenly there's a weird noise coming from the kitchen.

  You know damn well there shouldn't be anyone awake at this hour, especially not around the sink.
  Even though the noise came from the kitchen, it was undeniably something that would come from a bathroom... Sound of water flowing through the pipe system connected to the toilet.

  You also realize the noise came from above you, which is impossible since there are no apartments above.
  Freaking out won't help, but you sure as hell start panicking.

  You look back in the mirror and the unfamiliar pair of eyes just  aggrevate your instincts.
  Phone in hand, flash on...

  You're ready to run out of there and up to the bed.
  Those steps feel way too slow and way too unstable to make you feel any better.

  You get to the door, which clumsily and quickly closes behind you, but that does not stop you from hurrying up the stairs.
  Nothing feels real. Those steps don't feel real. The sensation from the wall on your fingers doesn't feel real.

  Your eyes are wide open, not just because of the lack of light, but because you can't decide whether this is reality or you fell asleep earlier and are in a scarily realistic dream.
  Deep breaths don't work when your brain is convinced life is falling apart at this very moment.

  You slowly sit down on the edge of the bed..laying down feels like signing yourself up to be the butcher's new experiment.
  Looking at your partner peacefully sleeping leaves you wondering whether this is like those creepypastas where telling someone what happened just let's them know you're aware.

  You decide not to say a word and instead try to calm down.
  Life is so much harder when you fall in and out of insanity.

  You're left with questions, doubts and pure terror, while your nervous system decides to finally let you know.. you're actually not in danger and you actually are awake.
  There's no way you'll rest peacefully tonight.

05 28 2023