Sometimes I get mad.
Sometimes I remember things I don't want to remember.
Sometimes I get mad, or distant because of these thoughts.
Sometimes I wish I could change my past.
Sometimes is now.
I don't like you now.
I'm mad at you now.
Maybe I hate you a bit now.
I don't wanna talk to you now.
...
I wanted to say- It's not your fault- but you know what.
Yes it is.
I did not want to have my first kiss, when I did.
I did not want to be touched like that, when I did.
I did not want to touch you like that, when I did.
I did not want to be...licked like that, when I did...
I did not want to.. lick you like that, when I did.
I did not want to have my first time, when I did.
And all that, because you were pressuring me. Because you wanted it. Because you wanted ME. Because you were arguing with me about this.
You know what, how dare you.
Honestly.
Pressuring a 14 year old like that. Nearly 13..
Yes I'm mad. I am.
Do you realize how terrified I was?? How scared I was?? Every day I was afraid you'd leave me if I don't do what you ask me for.
And EVEN AFTER we talked about it, you continued. I AM SCARRED FOR LIFE. Because you didn't realize what you were doing made me panic. BECAUSE EVERY TIME I FELT LIKE YOU LOOKED AT MY BODY AND NOT ME. And I fucking told you that.
I told you I did NOT want to do all those things. And still, you asked me to again and again and again.
Fuck you.
2021/03/06
YOU ARE READING
Random Thoughts
RandomIt's a story of a person dealing with depression which is slowly eating her alive. These stories document the harder parts of her life. Yeah nah.. it's just my journal
