Random Thoughts

The hole in your heart.

 

I feel a constant pain in my chest. It hurts.

Every time someone talks to me, someone argues with me, someone reminds me of those oh so painful memories.. it feels like they are pushing a burning knife deeper and deeper in my heart. It...hurts...

Everything just..hurts.

I wish someone could make it stop.

Before I actually wanted to get help. I wanted to survive. Well at least I thought  about that option as well.
But now..
I don't know anymore.

  I was doing some research on what medicines could kill you, and when I read this:

"Deadly combinations are all too easy to make  so double check your labels and be certain you aren't taking too much"

It...gave me hope.

I felt like..for a second all the weight on my chest just disappeared. And that felt great..

To be honest, I've already thought about overdosing.

But now.

I have a plan too.

Waiting till the sun goes down, stealing the paracetamol from the counter and taking it with some alcohol.

And then

There will be finally peace.

I'm honestly too tired to deal with this.. and I know it will hurt a few people...but I can't continue this. It's too much..

Just

Too much
for me to handle.

I'm also thinking about making all these stories public that night. Even though almost all of the parts are written in Hungarian, I hope it won't be too big of a deal. Not like I could do anything about it if it will.

Anyways

   I can't wait to find some peace

2021/01/18

I just gosh darn realised that the amount i out away is not enough. The max capacity is around 4-5000 and i only reached 4000.. no probz, it van be fixed.

2021/01/19