Dear Author: Loving You In Secret (GxG)

Seen thirty

Bella Chloe

I'm staring at K's tomb, blankly. I was a little embarrassed about showing myself to her. I promised her I'd bring Misha here, but look at us right now; we're not doing well. I had no idea where we had gone wrong. I'm very sure everything is going well for us until we unexpectedly break apart. Is it because I asked that goddamn question? But I have the right to ask, right?

"Hi K." I gave a melancholy smile. "I know you're looking forward to seeing Misha again. I apologize for not bringing her today. It's simply that everything between Misha and me has been a shambles recently."

Over the past few weeks, there has been a lot of interaction between us. She left me hanging and acted as though she hadn't even noticed me, which confused me a great deal.

"I tried, K. I tried to talk to her. Pinupuntahan ko pa nga siya palagi sa workplace niya para lang makausap siya. Pero wala, she really didn't want to talk to me. Iniiwasan niya ako. Alam mo ba na nakakainis siya? Binibigyan niya ako ng mixed signals!" Pagra-rant ko. Napa-irap ako nang maalala ang mga pinaggagagawa niya before siya umiwas. "She made me feel so important. Ilang beses niya pa ko pinakaba at pinag panic sa mga actions niya tapos hindi niya panininindigan? Multuhin mo nga yung bestfriend mo na 'yon K! Hindi siya nakakatuwa!"

Tinukod ko sa likod ko ang dalawang kamay at tumingala sa langit. There are dark clouds in the sky, mukhang uulan na naman ng malakas. Napahinga ako ng malalim when I remember our last encounter.

"Actually, we ran into each other the other day. Nakisabay ako sa boss ko dahil wala akong masakyan, sobrang lakas kasi ng ulan. Then, because of the intense rain, my boss asked me to join her for dinner as we waited for the downpour to pass. I can't say no, hindi rin naman kasi kami makakadaan sa sobrang taas ng baha."

I'm really thankful to Miss Maeve for that night. She really saved the day.

"Sakto naman na ang napili niyang kakainan namin is yung resto kung nasaan si Misha. When I first saw her, I was actually happy, but it soon vanished when I realized what she was attempting to say to my boss! Is she out of her mind? Boss ko man 'yon o hindi, bakit niya kailangan ipangalandakan?" I shook my head in disbelief. "Iyon na nga lang yung unang beses na nagkita kami ulit tapos gano'n pa ibubungad niya."

Agad akong namula nang maalala kung ano ang binabalak niyang sabihin nung gabing 'yon. Nakakahiya talaga if ever natuloy niyang sabihin 'yon. Ano na lang ire-react ni Miss Maeve? Madami na ngang tanong sa isip niya mula nung pagpasok namin, paano pa pag narinig niya 'yon? For sure, magugulantang 'yon at baka mag isip ng kung ano-ano. Misha is placing me in an awkward situation.

She is even unsure of whether my favorite part of her is her lips. We don't even have a label.

Well, I can't deny that her lips are so inviting.

I glance away and cover my mouth with the back of my right hand as I recall the kiss we shared on her bed. She had the audacity to ignore me after all that, damn her. Even now, she can't stand by what she did. What then gives her the courage to speak in front of others? I definitely can't read her. What is she trying to do?

I took a long breath and then returned my gaze to K. "I'm willing to talk to her K, I really want to have a conversation with her. I want to understand her and learn why she is suddenly avoiding me. Pero siya naman 'tong hindi maayos kausap. Is she really like that?"

Even before that, when she visited K in the hospital. Misha didn't speak to me either; I tried asking her, but all she did was feed me bread. Muli ako napatingin sa langit nang biglang kumulog. It's time to go home, I guess?

"K, I need to go home now. Baka maabutan ako ng malakas na ulan sa daan. Sorry kung puro reklamo ko lang tungkol sa bestfriend mo yung dala ko ngayon. Don't worry, next time puro good news naman iku-kuwento." I smiled before I stood up.