I storm into my room after a massive argument with my mom. It was only a silly fight, but it got blown out of proportion and we both said bad things.
I try to catch my breath. I sit on my bed. I think I'm having a panic attack. I reach for my phone to call meredith.
I call her. I put the phone back down when she doesn't answer. I reach inside the bedside drawer.
My heart starts pounding in my chest as I see a small blade at the bottom of the drawer. I grab my bottle of water instead as my phone interrupts my thoughts.
I pick it up. "Hi derek" she says. "Can you come over here? I need you" I say. "What's wrong?" She asks. "Please just come over" I say. "Okay baby, i'll be there in a few minutes" she says. I hang up.
About ten minutes later she walks into my room. She hugs me tight as I stand up. "Hi baby" she kisses me softly. "Hi" I squeeze her again.
"What happened?" She asks. "I got into an argument with my mom.. and had a panic attack because of it" I say nervously. I know meredith wouldn't judge me, but it's still difficult to open up sometimes.
"Oh, der" she hugs me tighter. "I'm glad you called me" she whispers. "I needed to see you" I say.
She pulls away slowly. "What do you want to do?" She asks. "...Marry you" I say. She giggles.
"Baby, seriously" she says. "Can we just cuddle for a bit?" I ask. "Of course" she says. We lay on my bed cuddling for about an hour in silence, just resting our eyes.
"I'm sorry" I say. "For what?" She frowns, looking at me. "I rely so much on you.. it must be suffocating" I say. "Babe, don't be ridiculous.. I'm here for you always" she says.
She kisses me. "You never bother me, or suffocate me, or annoy me.. I love getting your phone calls, whether you want to go out somewhere together or if you just want a cuddle" she says. I smile.
"You promise to tell me if I overwhelm you?" I ask. "Of course.. but that will never happen" she puts her hand on my chest, kissing me softly.
"I got close" I whisper, deeply ashamed of myself. I want her to yell at me and be mad. I'm an idiot. "Close?" She furrows her brows. "I almost hurt myself" I whisper.
"Oh, derek" she sighs, sitting up. "I'm so fucking proud of you for calling me instead" she puts her hands on my cheeks. "I'm sorry" I hug her. "Don't be sorry" she rubs my back.
"You're going to come and stay with me for a few days, okay?" She says. I nod.
"Are you angry?" I ask. "No, of course I'm not.. you spoke to me about it, baby" she looks into my eyes. I hug her again.
"I feel like shit.. I dont deserve you" I pull away slowly. "Shut up, you deserve the whole world" she hugs me again.
"Why did you stop yourself?" She asks quietly. "I was thinking of you" I whisper. She kisses me deeply. "I love you so much derek" she says. "I love you too" I say.
"Why don't you go downstairs and make up with Carolyn? I think she's upset too" she says. "Okay" I get up. I lean down and kiss her before leaving the room and going downstairs.
I apologise to my mom and she apologises too. Meredith comes downstairs soon after.
"Are you okay baby?" She hugs me from behind. I nod. I turn around. She kisses me softly.
"Do you want to go to my house? Or do you just want me to stay here?" She asks. "Whatever you want" I say. "I'd rather stay here" she says. "Okay" I say.
We go back upstairs to my room so we can relax a bit. We end up falling asleep not long after.
