When the green games got closer i still had not managed to i avoid going. The headmaster insists that i attend because of my white rank the protection of the females in attendance was more important then my feelings according to the headmaster. I have never once mentioned the reason i did not want to go is because of the ptsd that was left behind from Lilith. Just knowing her gate was in that school and if it opened again she would be the first one to come though. I can guarantee i would be the first person she hunts down to torture and kill.
As the headmaster stated tho. My feelings don't matter and I have to go. I wont lie. I am terrified of going. If anything happens i know I will not be able to help and it's growing frustrating. Supernaturals don't really get things like ptsd or anxiety. Depression sure when they loose their mates. But ptsd is not common among the supernatural. While I'm struggling with the nightmares and the flashbacks. The feeling of blood on my skin. The tremors that come out of nowhere the sudden rages in the middle of class that frightens a lot of the lower rank students when the rage hits me without warning. Everyone else is just struggling to be in my presence because of my unpredictability.
I laid awake in my bed looking at the ceiling. In a few hours the students will be leaving for the boys school. I had no idea who else was coming. I'm am just protection i have no idea who the green prefect is now because Blake is the black prefect again. I think Ian is the green perfect again but with his royal responsibilities i think he refused the role which means i think dylan who started as a blue prefect when i meet him. But since Casey in the blue prefect again thanks to Blake, i dont know who the prefect is for red and green anymore.
I really had no motivation to get out of bed and go on the train to the boys school. I tried to convince someone else to take my place but other then blake and Ian being the only capable two of the task and also not female they can't go. The problem of why I can't be replaced is because there is no female around who is capable of taking on black ranks person and survive the encounter.
I turned my attention to my door when it opened. I had no big reaction to Olivia walking into my room. I had no idea she would be here. Why is she here?
"Are you getting up?" Olivia asked me
"You came all the way here least you can do is cuddle me before you make me get up." I mumbled cuddling into my pillow to hide from her gaze. I have been struggling to look Olivia in the eyes for a while now. After things settled and the nightmares of her fear started i have struggled to look her in the eyes scared i would see that fear again. And knowing if i looked at her I would also bend to her every word without question. So i was also being stubborn about getting out of bed.
I felt the bed move beside me as Olivia crawled in beside me. She wrapped her arm around me pulling me closer to her and also leaving me with minimal room to move around. Olivia held me as tight as her arms physically could and it made me feel better. I felt at home in her arms loved and wanted.
When Olivia's arms secured around me and she relaxed my emotions hit a high. The tears filled my eyes over flowed. I didn't make a sound as i wrapped my arms around her holding her closer to me. My face buried against her chest as the tears followed from my eyes. A halfwit could tell i was crying again. The way i held onto Olivia showed how scared i was for her to let me go.
Despite her trying she also doesn't fully understand the ptsd. All the bad events that have transpired this year are just considered normal. Other then the physical damage left on Olivia's body from the year she doesn't show any signs of fear from it. She shrugs it off like it was another day. Any issues were just washes away like nothing unlike me where every bad thing clings to me like a bad smell that wont go away.
"It's going to be alright love" Olivia whispered in my ear before she placed a kiss on my temple. "Ill be there with you. If you need me find me like i know you can do." Olivia told me. I had yet to actually tell her I can't find her just by following my feelings for her anymore.
