Is there a word for this feeling? Bittersweet? Nostalgia maybe? Thinking about a different time. Like looking back on a struggle you went though and even though it was really hard at some points you're glad you went through it anyway. Maybe like the feeling you have when you finish a really good book or show. You're happy you finished it but at the same time you're a little bit sad because it's over. Even though Eleanor makes me so happy. She makes me feel complete. Like my whole life I knew I was missing something and I finally found it. It's a little hard to even believe she's real. And that the feelings are real. I'm crying writing that. What did I do to deserve someone like her? My princess, my soulmate. It feels like an ending. But it's not. This isn't a fairy tale like the ones I heard growing up, where you find your other half and then it ends. This is only the beginning really. Put it this way: if my life was a book, I'd be ending a chapter right now and starting a new one with her. I'm just a little bit sad to see the old one end, which I know is weird to say because some parts were hell, but it wasn't all bad. I'm so excited to see where this one leads. I'm excited for everything. Romantic nights out, planning our future together, even simple things like dancing around in the living room at 1 am, falling asleep with her cuddled up next to me and waking up in the morning and feeling so peaceful. Telling her the sweetest things, but in a language she doesn't understand and seeing her cute little pout when she demands to know what I said. Even things that aren't so great like schoolwork and sick days, those will still be amazing because we'll be together. I like to think the protagonist of this chapter is a little bit stronger now. A little wiser. Maybe this time she'll cry a little less and smile a little more. Best of all, she loves herself a little better than she did before, because someone opened her eyes, someone showed her that she doesn't need to hide her scars. That she deserves to be here and to be loved just as much as anyone. The she doesn't need to prove anything to anyone. That she's perfect just as she is. I like the sound of that. I like it a lot.
