Loss of Feelings | ✓

Chapter 52

Chapter 52

Pinayagan ako ni Jah na makipagkita kay North pero hindi ko magawang sumangayon dito. I'd rather not even if he wasn't against the idea. Gusto ko man bisitahin si Trina, ayoko naman malagay sa alanganin ang nararamdaman ni Jah sa akin.

I knew in my heart that having to think about North means I wasn't sure about Jahiel. And that hurts, even in my own perspective. Hindi lang siya mali, sobrang mali talaga siya kung tutuusin.

"Lubog na mga mata mo, 'te." Temi, who was stating the obvious, gave me some eye serum. She took the eye dropper and gave it to me but I declined by moving my head. Nasa comfort room kami ngayon ng isang mall. Katatapos lang ng duty naming dalawa at dumiretso kami rito upang kumain.

Busy raw si Jah kaya naman hindi kami sabay. For some reason, mas dumami ang ginagawa n'ya ngayon sa hospital. Hindi ko alam kung maganda ba 'yon o hindi, pero mas matimbang ang nararamdaman kong masama tungkol dito.

I shook my head. "Pagod lang."

"Wild ba si Doc. Jah? Di ka pinapatulog?" Temi gasped.

"Gaga ka talaga." I sighed. "Tara na nga. Saan ba tayo kakain ngayon?"

Nagyaya si Temi sa food court para raw marami kaming options. Tinatamad ako magluto. . .I'm staying in Jah's pad now. Pero naghahanap pa rin ako ng ibang matutuluyan. Nahihiya pa rin ako sa offer n'yang presyo dahil di makatarungan e. Parang abuso talaga kung papayag ako.

My phone beeped. I took my phone and checked it out while walking towards the food court. Bahagyang nauuna na si Temi sa akin, gutom na rin siguro.

Jahiel:

Kapagod.

Nakauwi ka na ba?

Wen:

Cold mo naman. :((

Pero hindi pa. Sa labas ako ngayon kakain e.

Jahiel:

Sorry 😥😓😭 kagagaling 😆😅😂 ko lang 😎😍🥰 kasi sa surgery 🔪❤👀 mahal!!!!!!!! 💟💫💖

Wen:

Potangina 🙂

Jahiel:

HAHAHA jk :( pagod lang talaga. Eat well, love you.

Wen:

Walang I???

Jahiel:

I LOVE YOU PO 😘 SO MUCH.

I smiled to myself but I immediately realized that Jahiel never asked me for assurance. He never asked me to say those words back. He never made me feel that I should follow his pace. The knots on my stomach tightened. I feel bad.

Wen:

I love you | deleted

Nasagi ako ng isa sa mga batang papunta sa nanay n'ya. It felt like it was a reminder that if I said these words to him. . .it should be authentic. Dapat mula ito talaga sa nararamdaman ko. I love Jah. . .but the love that I have for him isn't the type that makes me feel butterflies. It was the one that calmed the storms inside me.

Natatakot ako na masaktan ko siya gaya ng nagawa ko kay North at Tuesday. It was a reflex to think that I was only capable of hurting the people I love. Kapag nasaktan ko si Jah. . .baka hindi na lang ako magmahal kahit kailan. Unlike North, I'm not the type of person to let go even if we're already hurting. It was bad. . .deadly bad. But I couldn't help it.