The Lives Of The Romanovs

Loss

Olga

After spending sometime in the hospital, we were finally able to go home. Igor was confined to a wheelchair, which I pushed. Though, Igor had not yet returned to his old self. It would probably take awhile before he became the man I knew. But that was fine because I would stay by his side no matter what happened. Dmitri and Tatiana were feeling better as well and were already home. And Anastasia was back home at the Alexander Palace with Cheryl, which was quite a shock to me. I felt as if I had missed so much because I was watching Igor in the hospital.

"Dearest, are you ready to go home?" I asked Igor while sitting on his hospital bed. He was staring out the window in his wheelchair, not responding to me. "Igor, answer me. We cannot go on like this."

There was still no response. I groaned and got up, grabbing his wheelchair and pushing him out of the room. Anton Ivanov was outside the room, holding a bag of Igor's clothes from the day of the incident.

"Hello, Olga Nikolaevna. Your imperial highness, are you feeling better today?" Anton Ivanov grinned and bent down to look at Igor. But Igor looked away quickly.

"Talk to me, Doctor. Thank you so much for taking such good care of him. We are forever grateful to you. You must give me your address so I can send some money or sweet treats. Tatiana Nikolaevna and I make excellent tarts." I giggled. Anton Ivanov chuckled and shook his head at me.

"It is truly no need, ma'am. I was only doing my job. Please, let me help you all to your car. I can carry Prince Igor Konstantinovich while another doctor takes down the wheelchair."

"No. Do not." Igor snarled at Anton Ivanov.

"Darling, we have to get down the stairs."

"I do not wish to be carried."

"My dear-"

"Stop! I want to go down myself, Olga. This cannot be our situation."

"Well, it is. Now shut your mouth and allow us to help you." Olga rolled my eyes at him. Anton Ivanov bent down and picked up Igor bridal-carry while another doctor came by and picked up the wheelchair. We all made it down the flights of stairs until we made it to the first floor. Anton Ivanov was quick to plop Igor down into his wheelchair. I started pushing it while Anton Ivanov followed us outside. When we got to the car, Anton Ivanov assisted Igor into the car. He shut the door and left the two of us on the sidewalk.

"Olga Nikolaevna, are you sure you shall be alright? I do not wish for you to stress yourself beyond manageable-"

"I shall be fine, Doctor Ivanov. Thank you for everything. Tatiana told me that you are betrothed. Congratulations on your marriage." I weakly smiled.

He smiled back. "Thank you, ma'am. Let me know if any future issues arise with your husband."

I shook Doctor Ivanov's hand. I walked around and got in the car. It was a silent ride back to the mansion. Igor did not wish to speak to me, no matter how much I tried. I knew he was grieving his old life, but he made me feel as if it were my fault. Maybe apart of it was. If he had not been in front of me, then Igor would not have been hit. Was that why he seemed to angry with me? Perhaps that was the answer.

The car pulled up to the front of the mansion, to which footmen came outside. They immediately set up the wheelchair and assisted Igor into the wheelchair. They helped him up the stairs as I followed right beside the wheelchair. Upon walking inside, the sweet smell of our home hit my nose. There was pine smell for the holiday season and a smell from the candles. The staff of the house were lined-up in the hallway to cheer and welcome us back. With the loud sounds of feet stomping, the boys came downstairs faster than lightning.

"Papa! Mama! You're home!" Oleg shouted. He jumped into his Papa's lap and wrapped his arms around his neck. Igor hesitated at first, seeming shocked. Suddenly, Igor broke into sobs and embraced his son. Lyokha and Kostya held me while we all watched Igor and Oleg. For the first time in almost one-week, I saw an emotion in my husband's eyes. Igor had been keeping it inside, attempting to stay strong inside. But upon seeing his boy, he could not keep it inside anymore.

Oleg whispered. "Why do you cry, Papa? Does it hurt?"

"No, not anymore. How can I be hurt when I'm with my boys?" Igor sniffed and gave a wan smile. He turned his head and look at his other boys. He waved them over, with Lyokha and Kostya coming over and sitting on his lap as well. Lyokha suddenly burst into tears.

"Oh Papa, I missed you so much! I hope you walk again soon!" Lyokha cried out.

"Shut up, you idiot! That shall make Papa even more sad and hurt." Oleg scolded his younger brother. Igor shushed him and pulled our children closer.

"Now children, that is no way to speak to one another. This is a large change in our lives, but we must learn to live with change. Why don't you boys get up and try to push me to the stairs, huh? Test your strength." Igor chuckled. The boys laughed as they hopped up and ran behind the wheelchair. I smiled to myself as I watched them struggle. I went over and took the wheelchair from the boys, insisting their father needed some rest. I had the footmen help me carry Igor and the wheelchair up the stairs. We made our way into our bedroom before setting him back down into the chair. The footmen left the room, shutting the door behind them. Igor pushed his chair to the window. I tried to walk around to look at him, but he still neglected me

I scoffed at him. "I see. You will speak to our children but you will not speak to me? What did I do to you?"

"Nothing. I just want to be alone."

"But why? You have been so cold. We must have a conversation about this situation-"

"My God, Olga! I don't want to have a conversation about this! Just leave be alone, dammit!" Igor snapped at me with hostility in his voice. He had never spoken to me so harshly in our nine-years of marriage. I knew he truly meant it. So without another word, I quietly left the room. I shut the door and took a deep breath. That's when I heard Igor start to cry again. He tried to stay quiet, but not quiet enough to where I couldn't hear it. I then started to cry as well, sinking to floor and curling into a ball. I knew the situation would get better and that in time, Igor would learn to walk again. But as of now, it was going to be hard. And now...I just needed to cry.