Roses & Ruin

Chapter 108 (Anthony)

I felt sick to my stomach with the lie I had to tell Lexi to get her off my path. I didn't sleep with another woman. The night I didn't come home I was on a construction sight torturing and murdering a man. I can't tell her that, nor can I tell her what I found out because of it. The walls are closing in on me, and I have no fucking idea what to do with the information I now possess.

Seeing Lexi's face when she accused me of fucking someone else and I told her I did...I hated that face. And when I came out and realized she wasn't even in the house anymore it soured my gut. I've spent hours waiting, thinking about what to say or do so she doesn't hate me, or go and fuck someone else just to spite me.

I think I'd lose my shit if she did that. And I'm already losing my shit enough.

The weight of this lie will crush me if I don't get a hold of myself. But first, I need to mend things with Lexi. I don't like how that conversation ended. I called her several times, but she didn't pick up. I saw her bag in the bedroom, so she can't have more than just her phone with her. So where the hell is she?

I finally just texted her. *Me: You don't have to talk to me just lemme know you're safe and alive somewhere* That was the important thing. But I thought she might not answer even that. She's stubborn and I know it.

When my phone pinged with a message I should've been embarrassed by how quickly I scooped my phone up.

*Lexi: I'm fine.* was all she said. Disappointment joined my sour gut. Fuck. I hate this. *Me: Lex, come home. Let's talk* I offered. I just wanted her here. She didn't respond though, and fuck if that didn't sting.

I waited up for her, but I must have dozed off at some point because suddenly I was waking up to the sound of movement in the bedroom.

        I popped up, remembering who I'd been waiting for and why. I caught Lexi with her arms full of pillows and blankets. She doesn't want to sleep beside me. Fuck. I jumped to my feet and went to her. That only made her rush off to the sofa.

"Lexi, I won't do it again if you have a problem with it. I just needa know" I had to continue the lie. Just until I figure some things out. Until I decide what to do with the information I have.

"Oh fuck off, Rizzo" she called me by my last name, which I know is an attempt to distance herself. She's done it before. Back when she was off limits to me. When we had to sneak around and felt guilty about it. How have I found myself in a similar position again?

I took Lexi's shoulders in my hands, but she yanked herself away. I held my hands up in surrender. "I just wanted to talk to you," I explained. Lexi dropped the blankets and crossed her arms in front of her. She glared at me, which made me fumble a second.

"Just tell me how you feel, Lexi, and I'll act accordingly" I gave her all the power. She has it, whether she knows it or not. "How I feel?" She asked in a tone I couldn't decipher just yet.

"I Feel like this thing between us has run its course. I Feel like you should stop bullshitting as the good guy and just live the way you wanna live, and I Feel like we should Feel other people. That's how I'm feeling" she spat in the harshest tone I've heard from her yet.

Feel other people? No. That's not what I want. Fuck. I shouldn't have gone with this lie. It's dug me into a hole with Lexi.

"It didn't mean anything to me, but You mean something to me, so tell me what you want and we'll do it" I talked, but what am I even saying? What am I insinuating she wants?

Lexi flipped her pale blonde hair over to one side and tapped her plush pink lips with the tip of her finger, like she was in thought. All sarcastically of course. "I wanna stop pretending" she said suddenly. Flat in her tone. For whatever reason it made my chest stutter.