Roses & Ruin

Chapter 32 (Lexi)

        I've spent the past two nights here at my father's house. I'm still trying to hold strong and not agree to live here permanently, but I honestly don't know what'll happen. For now I'm here under the guise of 'reuniting with my family and spending time with them', but that's a load of shit.

They've been gone for most of the past two days. They've been gone most of tonight, but by the banging around I hear from somewhere downstairs I think they just got home.

         With their carrying voices brought my curiosity. I snuck out of the bedroom they deemed 'mine', and went downstairs towards the room I know to be Vitaly's home office. I knew they'd be there. Wherever they were tonight it was for business. I saw them leave in their fine tailored suits muttering about things I don't know nor care about.

I'm not privy to much of the family business. Only sons. The asswipes.

The hallway light wasn't on, but I saw the sliver of light peeking from underneath the shut door. They all have deep voices, easily heard right now because they aren't trying to speak quietly at all.

        "Fucking greasers, trying to lowball me. I won't give them shit if they don't agree to a long term commitment" I heard my father spat. There were sounds of moving around. He probably just pulled his desk chair back and dropped into it.

My brother's are probably seated in front of his desk or roaming around like spectators with their arms held behind their backs. Mostly Dmitriy does that.

"Long term or life term?" I heard my oldest brother ask my father. He grunted or something then spoke up again.

"Life. Life!," he repeated, "if I'm gonna bridge the families it's for a life commitment of running a leading point through this expansion. Better weapons, bigger money, more territory. I don't want to wonder if they'll swap allies every damn minute of every damn day. I want total assurance" my father was angry.

He wasn't yelling at my brothers, but his voice was loud like he was.

        "Papa, they can still fuck you over even if you do hand Aleksandra over to them" Andrei chuckled when he shouldn't. It only gets on my father's nerves. And he sounds to be at his wits end already. Whatever meeting they went to he isn't happy about it. My heart stuttered when I heard my name being mentioned.

They talked about me tonight? Did they offer me to someone? Am I gonna end up marrying some old man or being thrown into sex trafficking or something?

It terrifies me. This lack of control.

         "The Italians take that seriously in terms of a binding contract. It's important to get them to agree to that. Trust me" my father seemed to lower his voice some. There was a silent pause, and I found myself leaning into the door. If they catch me snooping they'll kick my ass.

"We'll get 'em at the next sit down. I'm sure of it" Dmitriy assured my father. When I heard shuffling I didn't wanna risk being seen, so I rushed off, back upstairs to the comfort of my closed door.

     For some reason all this reminds me of a favorite quote of mine from Gonzo journalist Hunter S. Thompson, in his book Hell's Angels. It reads,

         '" The edge...There is no honest way to explain it because the only people who really know where it is are the ones who have gone over. The others-the living- are those who pushed their control as far as they felt they could handle it, and then pulled back, or slowed down, or did whatever they had to when it came time to choose between Now and Later. But the edge is still Out there."

Everyone around me, including myself, are walking closer and closer to some edge, each of us for different reasons. The Petrov men push limits, making other powerful men submit to their control. They want more and more, and do more and more to get it, and slowly they are all walking the line between this and that. Success and demise.