Roses & Ruin

Chapter 97 (Lexi)

When I nodded yes, Anthony took a strand of my blonde hair between two fingers, smoothed down the length of it, and tucked it away.

"Remember when I told you that I had two girls both leave me for other guys?" He asked next. Again I nodded. I knew Mia was one of them and it still sours my gut to think about it.

"The first girl was a girl I dated in high school. I was a young idiot and I fell pretty hard, or thought I did at the time. It was my first real relationship...well, she left me for a friend of mine, which devastated me on both fronts. Losing her, and losing a friend after his betrayal. Anyways, that happened the week before my parents got arrested" he told me.

I cringed at his words. How can a friend do that to a friend? How can a girl be so dumb? Anthony's such a great guy. I'm surprised this has happened to him twice. He clearly falls hard for a girl fast. I wonder what that'd feel like? To be so cared about. But I knew this wasn't the end of the story so I waved for him to continue.

"I was in a dark place. I lost my girl, my friend, my parents. After all the yelling the cops were doing, when they made us lay on the ground, and handcuffed me and my pops and all that. After the screams coming from my mother...it just got really fucking quiet in that house once they all left and shut the door behind them. Leaving me there alone" he swallowed and looked away from me, but he doesn't fool me.

I can sense the pain just as well as I can see it on him.

"That night I got really drunk. Not just drunk...I took some pills. I knew my mother had some Xanies and grabbed them. I don't know if my intention was to kill myself. I think I just wanted to be numb for a while, and being drunk I didn't think too hard on the consequences of mixing the two. I don't even remember how many pills I took..." he trailed off.

My eyes went wide when I realized where this conversation was going. I came up on my knees beside him on the bed and grabbed his hands to hold in mine. His hazel eyes shot over to me and they looked weary. I nodded, letting him know he should continue.

        "I feel stupid talking about this..." he admitted. "I'm not judging you. I'm simply listening to you" I told him the truth of it. He looked deeply into me the way only Anthony Rizzo can. The way that makes me feel naked even when I'm fully clothed. But he continued.

"I don't know if I was thinking of killing myself that night. I just know I made some dangerous choices, and by some miracle they didn't  kill me. I was home alone. No one to watch over me. I had passed out, and apparently slumped over instead of laying down, which is the only reason I didn't choke on my own vomit" his voice wavered slightly, and I thought I saw him physically cringe.

My thumb gently rubbed over his knuckles, scarred from the fight.

"It's disgusting, I know. I don't even recognize that version of me, but it happened. I woke up covered in my own vomit. Some of the pills came up with it, which is probably why I didn't overdose..." he sighed.

        "The saddest part for me wasn't even that. It was the fact that not a single soul even knew about it. I almost overdosed, passed out and puked all over myself, woke up feeling the most awful I've ever felt, and just got up and cleaned myself up. Nobody knew" he told me. It broke my heart. Imagine trying to end your life and nobody even noticed.

I took his hands and kissed them. I hadn't let them go this entire time he was talking.

"I've been alone for a real long time, Lex. A really long time" he said. My chest swelled with some unknown emotion. I pictured Anthony's life like a quick reel passing through my mind. Smooth, suave, charming Anthony Rizzo. Sharp suited mobster Anthony Rizzo. He's been solo for too long.