𝑴𝒀 𝑭𝑰𝑹𝑬𝑭𝑳𝒀 | 𝑵.𝑹 𝒙 𝑫𝑨𝑼𝑮𝑯𝑻𝑬𝑹

* ˚ ✦ 𝐝𝐚𝐲 𝟐 : 𝐜𝐡𝐫𝐢𝐬𝐭𝐦𝐚𝐬𝐞𝐬 𝐰𝐡𝐞𝐧 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐰𝐞𝐫𝐞 𝐦𝐢𝐧𝐞

* ˚ ✦ day n°2 : it's yn's first christmas after natasha's passing, based on taylor swift's song christmases when you were mine

christmases when you were mine - taylor swift
2:53 ─────〇─ 3:04
⇄ ◃◃ ⅠⅠ ▹▹ ↻

warning sad, natasha's death (yes it's a warning)
age 17

!ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. THIS IS MY OWN STORY!

⸺ ⧗ ⸺

"Please take down the mistletoe." You asked Melina as she was decorating the house for Christmas. It was your first Christmas without Natasha and everyone was coping in different ways. You had no idea where Yelena was, she just left without any heads up. Maybe you should text her and ask if she was coming to celebrate with you. On the other hand, Melina wanted some level of normalcy, and decorating the house was helping her. You were the opposite, everything was reminding you of your loss. Christmas just didn't feel the same without her. She wasn't there to help you decorate the tree. She wasn't busy in the kitchen baking cookies or dancing around the place. There were no snowball fights this year, or snowmen and snow angels.

"Y/n..."

"Please, I- I don't want to think about that right now." You pleaded with her. She slowly put her arms down, dropping the mistletoe on the table. 'Cause everything I want is miles away.' You thought, you couldn't bare to say it out loud yet.

You put on your shoes and grabbed your coat. Melina rushed towards you with a beanie, a scarf and gloves in her hands. She wrapped the scarf around your neck to keep you warm and used the fact that you were busy to put the gloves on to put the beanie she knew you didn't want to wear on your head.

As you made your way toward the snow covered little town, your grandma was in the kitchen, worrying about you. She knew where you were going, of course. You were going to visit her. Maybe that was your semblance of normalcy.

You walked past people, kids running around in the snow, you waved at your grandma's neighbours. You stopped by for a bit, not wanting to come off as rude. Small talks were never something you enjoyed, so you quickly bid your goodbyes and waved at the kids, "Well, season's greetings to you, hope you're well."

You reached the cemetery a dozen of minutes later, snow had begun to fall while you were walking, adding to the already existing white coat that were covering the ground. You walked past the beautiful fence surrounding the place, ice stalactites adorned the iron. A cold wind blew bitterly, chilling you to your bones.

Moving further into the cemetery, a fresh chill ran anew along your spine. Greyish white headstones dotted the landscape before you. Everywhere you turned, a silence prevailed. Amongst the trees, the wind wisped. A bush, rattled against some unknown tombstone.

There were hundreds of tombstones around you and each one was bearing a name, and many of them with pretty collections of flowers and floral arrangement atop of the ground. Upon entering the cemetery, your body put itself on autopilot now, you didn't even remember how you got there and there you were in front of her grave.

"Well I'm doing alright, if you were wondering... Lately I can never tell." Snow had fallen over the grave again, and you decided to make it your mission to clean. You gently ran your hand over the stone, pushing the snow off. "Melina seems to be handling it well, however I have no clue about Yelena and how she's doing. And I know this shouldn't be a lonely time, but there were Christmases when you were mine." You confessed sadly. "I've been doing fine without you, really... Well, up until the nights got cold, and I have no one to annoy into cuddling me." You chuckled at the memories of you getting out of bed, only to get into Natasha's to cuddle and enjoy the warmth her presence has providing. Her bed was cold now, freezing even, just the thought of it sent shivers down your spine.

"And everybody's here, except you, mama, and it seems like everyone's got someone to hold. But for me, it's just a lonely time 'cause there were Christmases when you were mine. Merry Christmas, everybody, that'll have to be something I just say this year..."

"If you were still here, I bet you would have got your mom another sweater and complain about auntie Yelena being late again. But when I was putting up the lights this year, I noticed one less pair of hands." You sniffled sadly. Everything seemed to be a reminder of what you lost, even the most futile and meaningless details. "I know this shouldn't be a lonely time, but there were Christmases when I didn't wonder how you are tonight. 'Cause there were Christmases when you were mine."

"You were mine. I miss you so much mama." Leaning your forehead against your mother's headstone, it was the closest you've ever felt to her since her last breath. Tears were freely falling down your cold cheeks.

You didn't know how long you stayed, but when Melina called you, asking your whereabouts, you decided it was the moment to head back. You left the same way you came, alone.

AUTHOR'S NOTE
well... 🧻