Unrequited

Chapter 78: How?

Orianna P.O.V

''H..how?''

/Did Lennox say something? Did Epps?/. I felt sick to my stomach that Optimus had found out about us before I could tell him myself. Sick and disgusted. I wrapped my arms about my waist and felt a single tear slide down my cheek.

Optimus watched it roll down my cheek. ''Last night. Here on the beach.'' He watched it track down and fall from my chin into the sand below. He raised his eyes to mine again. ''I came down here after Rachet had finished my repairs.'' He shrugged his shoulders once more. ''I had hoped I might have the opportunity to see you Orianna, given I had been deprived of your company for several days for one reason or another.'' He sighed softly.

I closed my eyes painfully tight as I recalled the events of last night. /Oh God! He saw.../. I opened them again only to see him shake his head and chuckle somewhat derisively. ''I ah, I guess I saw more than I had anticipated – or was meant to.'' His smile faded and a shadow briefly flickered across his face.

I raised a hand to my mouth, biting back a sob. I was not the one who deserved to be upset. I nodded my head curtly in understanding. Removing my hand, I sniffed back the tears and folded my arms across my chest as my toes clung desperately to the sand beneath me. I shook my head slowly as I looked imploringly at the figure before me. ''Optimus, I am so sorry.'' I drew a deep, steadying breath as he simply looked at me. ''I never, we, never...''

''Orianna. Please!'' Optimus removed his hands from his pockets and ran his right hand quickly through his hair as he took a step back from me. He brought his hands before him, indicting I should stop speaking.

I took another step towards him, reaching out for him. ''I was going to tell you...''

Prime snorted as he replaced his hands on his hips. ''Tonight. Yes. I figured that was the purpose of your meeting.''

I lowered my gaze at the tone in his voice. He was not accusing me, and yet it felt that way. I stepped towards him once more, reaching for his arm. Optimus tensed but did not retreat and I sent a silent prayer of thanks that he deigned to remain in my presence. ''Optimus,'' I was pleading with him as I grasped his right arm. He looked down at my hand. The tables had seemingly turned since we last had a conversation like this, and he was handling the situation with far more grace than I had! ''I wanted to tell you so many times before...''

''When?'' It was a simple question spoken in a low, even tone.

I exhaled. ''Egypt. After...'' I could not bring myself to finish that sentence for so many reasons.

He nodded and stepped back from my grasp, though he sent me a quick smile as he did so. ''I see. I understand.''

I shook my head as I stepped towards him again. ''No Optimus. I don't think you do und...''

He held his hands up again and I froze. ''It's okay Orianna. You do not owe me an explanation.'' He shook his head this time and folded his arms across his chest, like a physical barrier. ''Your heart is yours to give to whomever you deem worthy.''

''Optimus... you..''

''And Lennox is a good, honourable man who loves you.'' He paused as tears began to silently roll down my cheeks and I reached for him. Optimus took my hand in his, his eyes sweeping over our entwined fingers. ''Who loves you,'' he repeated himself earnestly, his voice seeming to falter slightly as he raised my hand to his lips, ''as you deserve to be loved.'' Warm lips pressed tenderly against my skin, and I closed my eyes at his touch.

Memories of those lips on mine engulfed me and I was torn in two. I cared very deeply for Lennox, and on some level, I did love him very much, wanted to be with him. But as I felt the warmth of Optimus' lips fade as he slowly lowered my hand and stepped away, I knew I loved him. A part of me would always love him. /But he does not, cannot love you. He wants you but that is all... isn't it?/.

''Optimus?'' I pulled my hand back and wrapped my arms around myself as I looked up at him.

He paused. ''Yes, Orianna?''

''Can you think of any reason why Lennox and I should not be together?'' I did not know where the question came from or why, but it was out, and I could not take it back.

Optimus seemed to draw a sharp breath at my words, his eyes searched mine intently as he took a step back towards me. His hand began to reach for me, and I raised my hand towards his.

He stopped, bringing his hand back by his side, balling it into a fist. I watched as his eyes changed in colour again from a deep sapphire to a storm-tossed sea. He shook his head as a small, sad smile spread across his lips. ''No. I cannot.''

I simply nodded and lowered my gaze. Just like that, I had a resounding answer to my unasked question. /He truly did not love me/. I did not want him to see the overwhelming disappointment I felt. I did not even want to feel it, and yet I did.

''At least none that are not selfish in nature Orianna.'' I frowned at his strange response, as I sought his gaze once more. He shot me a brief smile before he backed up quickly and nodded his helm. ''I'm sorry Orianna. It is very late and,'' he smiled weakly at me, ''the purpose of your meeting has been addressed.'' He raised a brow. ''Unless there is something else you needed to talk to me about?''

I shook my head. ''No Prime.'' I returned his weak smile. ''You managed to broach the topic yourself and answered all my questions.'' I rubbed my hands along my arms suddenly feeling very cold indeed. ''There's nothing more to say I guess.''

Optimus nodded. ''I guess not then.'' He smiled brightly at me as he took another step away from me and his holoform disappeared.

I automatically looked up at the face of Optimus Prime, Commander of the Autobots, and watched as his optics flickered brightly to life once more. After a brief moment to gain cognizance, Optimus turned his helm towards me. ''May I give you a lift home Orianna?'' He cast a glance back towards the tree line. ''I did not see Relda parked nearby?''

A crimson heat began to rise within me yet again. ''Thanks anyway Optimus but ah, Lennox drove me. He ah, he's going..''

Optimus rose gracefully and swiftly to his pedes, nodding. ''I see.'' He took a step back, turning towards the tree line before he paused and turned back to face me. ''Good night Orianna.''

I smiled up at him and waved. ''Good night, Optimus. And thanks.''

He tilted his helm. '''For what Orianna?''

''For still wanting to talk to me. For not freaking out like I did that night.'' I shrugged my shoulders. ''For... well... just being you.''

Optimus simply looked at me for a moment before he replied. ''I will always want to talk to you Orianna. I care... very deeply for you.'' He shuttered his optics and half turned back towards the trees. ''Lennox is a lucky man.''

I bit my lip as I tightened my arms to keep myself together as that deep baritone voice wrapped around me. ''I wish you every happiness Orianna.'' He nodded once more and turned abruptly on his pedes, his towering form receding into the distance.

The salty tracks of tears on my face had begun to cool and I shivered despite the warm summer evening. I hugged myself tightly to try and stave off the utter loneliness that descended upon me.

I was lucky.

So very lucky for so many reasons. Trouble was, I didn't feel very lucky right now.

I slumped to the cool sandy ground beneath me as more tears began to fall. Truth be told, in this moment, I felt utterly miserable.