This is a re-written and hopefully better version of an old book with the same title that I wrote back in 2020.
Beatrice Ellison is a 13 year old girl who is determined to find a place where she belongs. But in order to do that she needs to find out...
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"Knock, knock." Steve called from the other side of my door and I quickly hid my letters under my pillow before flipping to a drawing in my notebook.
"Come in." I whispered looking over at the door to see him walking in with a plate a food and a cup in his hand.
"I made spaghetti." He said handing me the plate and setting the cup of what I assumed was coke on the table.
"You cooked this? Are we sure it's edible?" I joked causing him to roll his eyes before sitting at the door of the bed.
"Fine, Robin's mom made it for us. I just reheated it." He admitted and I let out a hum in response, pushing the pasta around with my fork.
"Look I know it's stupid to ask but...are you okay? I mean in general." He asked
"I'm okay Steve, I'd tell you if I wasn't." I replied not making eye contact with him.
"Would you?" He asked after a moment
"What?"
"Would you actually tell me? Believe it or not Bee, I'm pretty good at reading people....reading you kids at least." He corrected when I gave him a look. When I didn't say anything he just kept talking.
"I know it's lame but, before you left for California...you used to come to me for everything. Now I have to hear from Joyce that you've been suspended three times for fighting and you almost got arrested two weeks ago. An I wasn't going to bring it up because I hoped you'd talk to me about it, but now there's this stuff with Eddie and the upsidedown is back. I'm just...I'm worried about you." He confessed and I sighed in response. I knew my mom would tell Steve about the trouble I've been having but I was sort of hoping he wouldn't bring it up.
"What do you want me to say Steve? That I hate California? That I'm getting into fights to protect Will and El? Steve those kids...they're awful down there. An this girl, she thinks I have a thing for her boyfriend so she snuck some expensive lipstick in my bag at the mall. The only reason I didn't get arrested is because some lady saw the whole thing. I'm trying Steve, trust me I am, but there's just all this-"
"Pressure to be perfect?" He asked and I nodded my head.
"Yeah." I'm whispered sadly as he moved to sit next to me, wrapping his arms around me.
"It's not like Joyce would care if I wasn't prefect but, I don't know. A part of me thinks she will. That if I disappoint her...she'll get rid of me or something, an I know that's not true. Joyce isn't Anne. But she also didn't sign up for the stress she's constantly under. It's like I'm waiting for the rug to get ripped from underneath my feet. An maybe I'm unknowingly trying to speed up the process or something, I don't know. It's just a habit now." I sighed while harshly rubbing my hands down my face only for Steve to gently pull them away.
"I get it. More than most people would, but Bee you can't keep that shit in. Eventually it will eat and eat at you, until one day you wake up and you don't even know who you are. You'll look in the mirror and see this like she'll of what you used to be and you won't be able to tell anyone why you changed." Steve explained with a look on his face that I couldn't really decipher.
