When Mrs. Infamous Lost The Masochist... (BOOK 4)

Chapter 11

After the incident with Remington's mother, we decided to it would be better just to let our friends know about us getting back together. As happy and excited as they were after we told them, they also promised to keep our relationship a secret to protect Palaye's and Lizzie's careers. Nina would find out after Emerson told her and screamed in excitement when I called her. It was good to know everyone was so supportive of us being back together, but a part of me felt guilty not that we were living a lie, but that Lizzie was the victim of having to do something she didn't want to. I never thought it could get to this in the music industry, to the point that managers and promoters could try to make their clients do something they aren't comfortable with to hide something about them that they shouldn't feel ashamed about. I honestly believed Lizzie's fans would purely accept her as she is instead of something she's pretending to be, but she won't get that chance without the risk of losing her career. I truly hoped things would get better for her sometime soon.

As we were spending time together in our bedroom late at night, Remington and I caught each other up on what we've been doing since we've last each other a year ago. Rem was aware beflre he left to L.A. of how the university accepted me back as a student after letting go of the professor that treated me unfairly, but he was very impressed with how I managed to be one of their top students by the time the previous school year was over. His reaction when I told him was, "Ha, I knew you'd hand their asses to them after what they did to you. But I'm so fucking proud of you for making it this far and working so hard to get to where you are now." I smiled at his supportive words and kissed his cheek before saying, "Yeah, I'm glad I made it this far as well. I'm just struggling with some things though..." Rem took my hand when I said that and then asked with concern in his tone, "What things, ma chérie? Are you starting to doubt whether you'll be good enough or something? Because you're just as good as anyone if not better."

I grinned as I shook my head and clarified, "No, no. Nothing like that. I'm just conflicted about whether I still want to be a music producer...or something else that feels more fitting for me." Worried about my own conflicted, I looked up at Rem and asked him, "Tell me, Remington. Did you ever get worried about whether the career you thought you wanted wasn't what you actually wanted anymore?" He looked into my eyes that were close to tears and smiled so beautifully as he pulled me closer to plant a sweet kiss on my forehead and then hold me close as he told me with a comforting tone. "My precious angel, when me and my brothers started our band, I wanted Emerson's job as the drummer, but I ended up get stuck as lead singer and at first, I didn't want it. When we performed together for the first time, I was nervous as all hell and was afraid I'd bring the band to failure. But after some motivation and support from them and our mom, I found the courage to try my best and as soon as I got up on that stage, I sang my heart out and never felt so alive. That's when I realized I want to keep doing this for the rest of our lives and make every show memorable."

Remington petted my head so soothingly as he told his story to me and concluded with, "So was I scared at first? Of course I was, I've never performed in front of people before. But as soon as I tried it out and gave it my all, the result was better than I ever could've expected. It's okay if your initial goal isn't your primary goal anymore. What matters the most is that you enjoy what you do and you're passionate about it. I wouldn't want you to be miserable and regretful, you don't deserve that after everything you've been through." When he finished speaking, I looked up to find him looking at me with such admiration and compassion, it was hard to believe someone like him actually exists in real life. I snuggled into his chest as I wrapped my arms around him, he responded by holding me tighter and planting soft kisses on the top of my head. "You don't have to be worried about anything, Carina", he whispered in a gentle tone, "I'll always be here to help you through whatever you're going through and make sure nothing bad happens to you."

His words made my heart glow as they brought such comfort and peace to my soul which has been troubled for quite some time. We continued to embrace like this for a moment longer until I pulled away to look into Rem's eyes and be brave enough to confess to him, "Well, to tell you truth, I've been thinking about being a songwriter. You know like, write songs for other artists to use for their albums and hopefully let people know that they aren't the only ones going through whatever it is they're enduring." His eyes widened in fascination as I continued to explain, "For the past couple of years, I've written my own lyrics as a form of therapy when things felt out of control and it's especially helped me this past year after breaking up with you. I've never shared my songs with anyone because they're deeply personal, but I have a feeling they might save someone's life." His eyes became eager as he asked to know more, "I'd love to hear your songs, ma chérie. But I understand what it means to share something personal, so you don't have to unless you're ready and comfortable to do so." I smiled brightly and kissed his lips to show how grateful I was for him being so understanding. He kissed me back while holding my cheek so gently, I hoped one day to be confident enough to share my songs with him after he's helped me through many things in my life.