Three against the world

10

"They made me cut him up, and when I was done I couldn't even give what was left to his family, I had to tell them he was MIA" tears fell I didn't wipe them away "you want to know what his husband did? He shot his daughter more than himself. I had to bury my first child and her parents "Carol turned away "treat me as the bad guy as long as it makes you feel better. What have you done for this group besides washing clothes? Everyone else puts their lives on the line to put food on your table"

I got up to leave so I didn't say anything. I'd regret it later. a loud snap made us turn to the opening, out stepped merle with his hands up, well hand, the other was missing "merle?" I left while Daryl gave him a hug.

"Ya alright?" merle sat beside me "no, I think I'm finally breaking" merle nodded knowingly "doing what you did takes a toll, don't blame ya'self" we sat in silence, I looked at my marks, it was barely there but Ricks had a small crack in it, I'm gonna lose him "let's get back Sargent pleasure" he knew how to lift my mood "major" she smiled "even better " he helped me up and surprisingly he kept pace with my penguin waddle.

The next morning Daryl and Rick went out hunting, and everyone but Glenn and Merle avoided me "are you ok?" I nodded, running my hand through Carl's long hair. I wonder if he'd let me braid if the fire was nonexistent at this point "mom?" I smiled down at Carl "yea hon?" he looked up at me "I love you" i kissed the top of his head "I love you too"

Glenn cut open the fence while everyone circled around me fighting off the walkers "let's go" Rick called out from inside the fence. Rick made the run to close the inner gate while everyone else was up in the guard towers, I was off to the side distracting the walkers and occasionally taking them out with the crowbar Glenn gave me. The men got our things inside and brought the bodies off to the far corner, this heat was making me dizzy "here" Hershel handed me some water and Maggie fanned me with a book, Rick passed the fence looking for any weak spots and Daryl was on the overturned bus

The next morning we made a plan to take the inner court yarn and it went as smoothly as we thought it would, so not smooth at all. They decided to move into the cell block "we might get to sleep in a bed tonight" Carl was waiting beside me "ya" I didn't mind the hard ground, I always found the beds to be too soft. "It's clear let's go'' Rick looked to Carl when he talked about how am I going to fix this rick was still mad at me about the Randall situation and barely spoke a word to be besides "eat" when he handed me food, Daryl wasn't a man of words but I noticed he was always close to me when he could be and always watching I settled into a cell on the first floor, and Hershel took the one beside me "let me check you over" I nodded and let him in.

"Everything seems fine" he put his tools away "Hershel" he looked at me "if something goes wrong" he interrupted me "nothing will" I have him the look a mother gave their child when she silently scolded them for interpreting the adults talking "If it does you can't let them do it, promise me you'll do it before I turn" he took a deep breath, I knew how he felt about killing those things even after the barn, he saw them as people and he didn't like killing people "I promise" he took the mattress off the top bunk and put it on top of mine for more comfort, I used the top as storage so I didn't clutter the floor.

It's been a few days and the men want to go deeper into the prison to find the infirmary and cafeteria. "Be careful" I told them all but mainly at my boys, Daryl gave me a curt nod. And they left, with Maggie going along, they needed an extra hand because I couldn't go.

Not even an hour later they came back screaming, Rick cut off Hershel's leg. With Meggie and Beth out of the question, I and carol got to work. We stabilized him with the supplies Carl found in the infirmary, "next time you go running off take someone with you" I wanted to be mad but I couldn't because he did what he thought was the right thing. I felt pain and gripped on the rail of the metal stairs "you ok?" I nodded "Braxton Hicks" carol nodded and I went to sit in my cell.

Herschel was finally up and walking around, we did have a scare but I managed to bring him back. Rick and a few others were out in the field planning out what they'd use for "walkers!" Carl yelled, pulling our attention behind us, Maggie dragged me and Carl into a different door while Beth got Hershel back into the cage in front of the cell block.

"This way" Maggie was leading us through the maze. I was between them with Carl in the rear. "Back! Back!" she turned us around, and at some point, I got separated from them. Another contraction hit, and I felt my legs get wet, "fuck" I healed my gun up wincing at the pain, this one should be easier I kept telling myself.

I found an open door and cleared the room before sitting down, searching my pockets, thank god I wear my army greens today I pulled out the small first aid kit, inside were two umbilical cord clamps and some sterile scissors, and some sutures in case I needed stitches thank you, Hershel i thought

I made quick work of pulling off my pants and underwear, my army coat off to the side for the baby, I got this I took a deep breath before shoving my fingers inside and feeling if I was dilated enough feels like an 8 or 9, almost I've never done this before so my guess was good as anyone else's.

I checked again five minutes later, and I was ready, I took out the stick that was in the kit assuming it was so I could bite it, I felt the baby crowning and pushed on the next contraction, after three more the head was out but something was wrong Sticking my fingers in I felt the cord around the neck "FUCK" I yelled, and a few thumps on the door distracted me for a second, I quickly took out the scissors and used my fingers to guide the cord in between them, I was light headed at this point from the panic and pain..

Once it was cut I gave a few more pushes and the baby was out, but she wasn't crying. Laying her on her stomach I rubbed her back, patting it a few times, when that didn't work I put her nose in my mouth and sucked really hard, once I felt the guck on my tongue I flipped her back over and rubbed some more spitting it out, her cries filled the room, I cried myself hugging her close to me.

I put the clamps on the cord still attached to her and the cord still hanging out of me, I found a box up on a high shelf and wrapped up in my army coat, I have her a tender kiss on the forehead and looked at her memorizing her little face, her button nose and her blue eyes. I put her in once I dumped the files out, I was going to pass out and didn't know if I was going to die, I prayed someone would hear her screams if I did.

When I came too she was crying, I looked to see if the placenta was delivered and it wasn't, I couldn't have been out long I pulled my clothes back on and grabbed my baby girl, and made my way back, I tried to get her to latch on while I walked but all she would take was my pinky, belle didn't latch on either, we're gonna need formula.

I had my back to a wall when I felt it, I have killed people, I have touched my comrades' guts, and I have skinned what I hunted but pulling the placenta out of my pants will forever be the worst thing I ever touched, it made a wet thunk when it landed on the floor.

"let's get you to your daddy's" I was sweaty and could tell I was going to pass out again, I could still feel the blood running down my leg, I ripped how did I not notice before, I took my shirt and stuffed it in my pants, it was really unconformable but my baby was alive so I can't complain

I knew I was there when I heard Rick yelling "NONONONO'' Rick cried Carl's shoulders were shaking, Glenn healed Maggie and Daryl was openly crying, something he never did "let me see'' Herschel spoke making everyone snap their heads to me "take her'' Beth just barely took her when my legs gave out. "y/n '' Ricks called to me "its a girl" was the only thing I said before passing out.