Her Pacifier: Secrets From The Past

Chapter 21

As I sit on these red benches, watching the sun set below the horizon, my mind wonders off to back when I thought I was dead. I thought I was dead, surely I was? Was I not?
My confused mind can't seem to stomach the thought of the pills not doing what I expected them to do. I had not eaten when I took them and the secretary said they were aspirin. Surely something had to happen.

It's not like I want to die...okay, I actually did want to die but that was a couple hours ago and I'm relieved I didn't. I just hallucinated...

Hallucinated...

Hallucinated!

That's exactly what happened last night, I saw the un-see-able after chucking down those pills. The neon green, purple pills that the secretary forced me to take because I looked like I hadn't gotten enough sleep.
Oh my god! Those are the drugs Drae was talking about! I thought they were powder and that he had a dealer who sold them out but if he does get them from this school why did he and Sammy eat Rae's pay?

Unbelievable...

Is this school selling them out? But I didn't buy them or ask for them, they were forcefully given to me. Nothing makes sense.

I jolt up from my seat and head to the reception hoping I'll find that British, rude lady sitting on her desk signing some papers and answering calls. On cue, I enter the grey reception to find a unfamiliar blonde woman walking out and the familiar brunette lady sitting at the end of the room on a brown desk.

Rosetta Stone.

She says her gratitude on the other end of the line and drops the gold and black old fashioned telephone roughly. The annoyed secretary ties her brown hair into a pony with an elastic she wore on her wrist and turns her head to me.
Rosetta rubs her grey eyes under her glasses with her index fingers and sighs.

"Can I help you?"

Whoever called her earlier and set her on the verge of annoyance or tiredness. My reason being here must not ignite her captive anger to an outburst. I mentally cross my fingers and speak up.

"Yes. Uhm...I need to know about something concerning the pills you gave me on Monday."

She motions for me to sit on a chair opposite hers and I do just that.

"What about them?" She asks with a husky voice. Without wasting any more of her time, I jump straight to the point.
"Were they really aspirin or drugs?"
Her thin eyebrows furrow and knit together.
"What?"
"Yeah, I- I- mean were they uhm...drugs. Not medical drugs or anything like that, like the kind of drugs addicts take or succumb to-"

I'm interrupted by her miraculous laugh that just popped out of nowhere on my face and I stiffen in my seat. This isn't funny, I'm not funny.
"This isn't funny," I snap.
She relaxes on her seat and composes her laughter. Thank you, now she will actually listen to me. I continue.
"When I took them- I mean one of them last night, I saw things. Crazy things beyond imagining, I saw what you'll expect to see in a dream and not in reality. I hallucinated."

I emphasized my last word with a dramatic tone to put out how serious this is but in return received an unreadable facial reaction. She taps a ball pen in her opened palm and looks up at me with a shrug.

"Then maybe it was just a dream."
"It was not, I just said I thought it was but it actually wasn't. It was real," I defend myself.
"Right...it was," she pauses to wave her hands in front of her face and wiggles each finger, "hallucinations." She rolls her eyes and shakes her head. "Don't waste my time here, kid."
"Miss Stone-"
"Mrs Stone," she interjects to correct me and points at the tiny ring on her left hand. I shut my eyes and address her "properly".
"Mrs Stone, with all due respect you aren't taking me seriously that's why it seems as if I'm wasting our time here but I'm not."
I remember the pill I didn't take and use that to my advantage. I scurry through the pockets in my school bag with great haste.
"Before you say anything else, I bare proof. The pill that's left and all the others I took were an odd shade of colour. Blue, purple, greenish like and aspirin or whatever medical pill there is to heal headaches do not look like this."

I hold the plastic high enough for her to see and when she adjust her frames to observe the weird pill, I hold the plastic even closer, forward.
Now she'll see I'm not insane but sane and that this school is the one that's insane to give out dangerous drugs for students like this.
What's up with the shades of colour anyway?
What are these? Benzo?

"It's white," she says dryly.
I fall off my high horse and tumble to the dirt, when I try to climb on it's back again, it kicks me on the stomach with its back legs and I tumble to the dirt again. This time falling flat on my face.

"No it isn't," I say. Fighting the urge to glance at the pill inside the colourless plastic.

"Oh, I see it now. It isn't white or blue or green or whatever other colour you can come up with, it's hot pink! All we have to do now is call out for Nicki Minaj to add the pill to her potions and Doja Cat to sing for us that she's a freaking cow!"

I freeze and run out of defences or come backs to retort. My mouth has suddenly gone dry and my high horse is fleeing away, deserting me in a fucking desert. I need water.
Why does this always happen to me?

"Look at the pill," Mrs Stone orders.
I hesitate but end up peering at the plastic. The oval-shaped pill that killed me then brought me back to life is indeed white. I blink and stare to be sure. It's still white.
Talk about resurrection and deceit.

"It was blue or purple a couple hours ago," my whispering tone deceives me.
"And the audacity you had to barge in here with false accusations. Did you really think we, as a school or the most respected principle around in Hammersmith would give out what...psycho pills to students so they see hallucinations?"

I didn't barge in here, I-
Don't tell her that, my subconscious mind warns me.

"I did think that," I admit and chew on the inside of my cheek. She removes her frames and carefully places them on her desk.
"You could get in serious trouble if this reached the principle's ears," she threatens.
The principle? "No please don't tell him. I- I- I wasn't thinking and I shouldn't have come here, I was-"
"Insane." She finishes and I cuss her mentally.
"You were insane. And are insane, sonny. Be sure to shut the door on your way out."

With that I was dismissed. I stuffed the plastic in my bag and walked out.

The cold breeze hit my cheeks as I walked back to the soccer field and layed down on the green grass in hopes of viewing the sun set. But the night was dark and the skies were grey. The unexpected sun just came and left as quickly as it came, deserting me like my high horse.

With my hands under my head and my legs sprawled out, I stare at the sky thinking;
What's happening to me?
Why is all this happening?
I know what I said and I'm certain of it too.
I saw the walls closing in and the water rising to the height of a sea. I drowned in the sea. I saw Mom on Drae's bed opposite mine and I read what her lips mouthed to me. She was disappointed...disappointed in me. I saw the darkness and couldn't reach the end of it then I felt Drae's hands slapping my face, waking me from my coma.

I'm not insane. I'm perfectly fine, it's this world that's insane and the people in it. I was fine in America, even after Mom passed, life was fine and at least normal. Things only changed in England and changed for the worse.
I see crazy things and I can't do anything about it, no matter how hard I try everyone will conclude I'm insane.

I roll on my side and tug at the green grass, keeping it in my grip. I'm angry and confused.
I'm always this way these days.
Footsteps in front of me grasp my attention. I sit up and come across a figure wearing a black T-shirt and blue torn jeans. Her straight brown hair is tied to a bun on the top of her head with two loose straps on each side. The frizzy ends are visible to see and she's wearing something else...my black bomber jacket?

Valley green eyes pour into mine.