Passion's P.O.V;
Oh Heavens!
What was that? Why did I surrender?
Why did I let my guard down and allow him to take utmost control of me?
If I hadn't composed myself and swallowed my weakness, he would've gotten to me.
To my inner piece, my inner self...my true self and it would've been too late to turn back the hands of time.
I can't surpass the fact that my true self needed Jules to heal me, to touch me, even though that could brake him but he is so stubborn to understand and I'm difficult to make any sense.
He is as stubborn as Catherine when she denied her love for Heathcliff even though they were madly in love and pursued her journey on marrying Edgar but I am fairly the same since I am a fool like Heathcliff to yearn for him.
You can't be like Heathcliff! You can't Passion;
My subconscious mind reminds me. It was her who encouraged me to order him to stop touching me. It sounded more like a plead because of his slow killing torture, taking over my vocals and reflexes.
He wanted to end me. Jules wants to kill me, nonetheless I would die a thousand times if I were to die in his lean arms.
I drop my ashamed face in my opened palms to hide it away from the walls that have heard and seen everything. Every detail of our motion picture. They know I'm fighting him but demanding him, all at once. The majority is confusing because I'm making it confusing. I am complicating things. I'm making this hard for the both of us but mostly him.
When my eyes screw shut, I see him. I see his sharp nose sniffing my sweet Chanel perfume. I gaze upon his beautiful dark eyes- beautiful darkness- pouring over my evergreen valleys. I peer his messy, frizzy curls covering that one eye of his that I barely vision properly.
Jules is handsome and he refuses to accept it because of his father but what he doesn't know is that I can see his father through him. That evil, wealthy man's secrets haunting Jules and leading him to a dead end. I hate the way he makes Jules feel, same goes for his brothers who are just his puppets. Acting what the puppeteer orders to be acted out.
I am proud when I see Jules personality is more of his mother and not his dad.
When I remove my hands from my face to cover his deep voice, whispering in my ears.
Jules' seductive whispers gradually increase louder to an octave I shudder to when hearing.
"'I want her', 'I miss her', 'I want to see her haunt me in my dreams and threaten to kill me.'"
Oh Jules, if you only knew with or without the drugs you will never be able to sleep again because I am all the other drugs.
I am the main drug...your drug and I couldn't kill you. You could kill me.
The books I knocked over in anger and regret are lying amongst me and under the table Jules sat me on. I hate that long table from now on. If it could talk, it would share a thousand words of that five minute fantasy and spread rumours to the walls, bookshelves, teachers and learners in this library.
Boys find it so hard to understand that girls take tired less long years, constructing a fortress of defence and security for themselves.
'Jules, you won't understand how...h-how only you have the power to unleash every ounce of weakness in my hormones.'
My nerves weaken in every part of my body as I begin to realise the downfall of my defence has just begun.
Goddammit Passion, you gave in, like you always do!
Jules succeeded in breaking through one of my locked doors once again because I let him.
"Fuck," I murmur to myself and collect the books I knocked over before the kind librarian returns from her tea break.
I could get in trouble for the mess I created and I don't want to cause problems for the sweet librarian nor myself.
I went too far by pushing the old, insecure ladder over, I pray I didn't break it.
Dinner will be anytime soon but I won't go to the dining hall because Jules will be there. I know he will. My tummy growls as I get down on my knees to crawl under the table. I'll just have to hold on until tomorrow morning for breakfast, there's no way in hell I'm going to the dining hall.
One more book is lying on the floor under this table, it's the book I came in here to read. The same book Jules wielded to caress my body, seductively.
'Collective Romance Poems'
It's a collection of classical romance poems and proses written by a majority of the best poets all in one book.
One of my favourite works really.
The expression Jules face pulled when he catched the book and read the heading was indescribable. Sort of like he fancied poems and proses too. The opened pages laid flat on the dimpled carpet and I have no doubt that those are the pages he used to massage me. My fingers tremble as I hold the opened book in my hand and read the poems written on each page.
LOVE'S PHILOSOPHY
____.____
The fountains mingle with the river,
And the rivers with the ocean ;
The winds of heaven mix forever,
With a sweet emotion ;
Nothing in the world is single ;
All things by a law divine
In one another's being a mingle : -
Why not I with thine?
See! The mountains kiss high heaven,
And the waves clasp one another ;
No sister flower would be forgiven
If it disdained it's brother ;
And the sunlight clasps the earth,
And the moonbeams kiss the sea : -
What are all these kissings worth,
If thou kiss not me?
____.____
PERCY BYSSHE SHELLEY.
A shiver runs down my spine and I feed the strong urge to read the poem on the right page. Hopefully it won't be related to Jules and I like the previous one.
I never fully realised
What it meant to hurt
{To truly hurt}
Until I wanted you
To such a great extent,
Only to have no other choice
But to convince myself
That I didn't.
-Jl
My eyes water and I sob. I leave all the packing up I was doing and sob. I sob and I sob and I sob. I am behaving like Catherine who is too blind to see what she has until she loses it, by losing herself.
I run out of the library with the poem collection book in my embrace. I need a hug and the only present thing to offer it is the book that made me cry.
I bumped into the librarian at the entrance but didn't stop to apologize, I kept running.
Out of the school to my dorm.
Loving Jules hurt because I reached an extent of lying to myself that I did not.
YOU ARE READING
Her Pacifier: Secrets From The Past
Paranormal"The unknown is darkness and darkness is fear. You fear the unknown because what is seen in the dark cannot be easily seen in the light." Just by a snap of her fingers and a tick from a magical ticking clock, Julian Hawk's life drastically changes b...
