Dean's Dixon

Just trying to feel something

A gunshot and the sounds of broken sobs made up the terrible symphony of heartbreak that had woven itself through the group. No one had been prepared to see her like that, hoping beyond hope that Daryl or June would find her alive. The pain of seeing Sophia as one of those things would have lasting repercussions, especially for those closest to the little girl. Carol had ripped herself free from Daryl and ran in the opposite direction but June felt stuck, her eyes now glued to the once beautiful face.

"June, come on."

"But Sophia..."

She sounded so defeated, as though she had placed all the blame solely on her shoulders. So much guilt and heartache that wasn't hers to take on and an exact replica of her brother's current emotions. Only when Beth went to her mother's body and was attacked did she finally snap out of it enough to move. She wanted to go help, wanted to tell Beth she understood how hard this was and that she was there, but she couldn't put her thoughts into actions. She was drowning in the sorrow and when Dean started walking her back to the house, she let him.

"Dean" Daryl had the same hurt in his eyes but like June he was trying to mask it as best he could. "I've got her. They're gonna need help digging graves."

"You sure?"

"She's my sister. I say I've got her, I've got her."

"Daryl, don't." June didn't have it in her to deal with an argument between the two, a numbness settling over her and making her want to sleep for weeks. "Go ahead Dean. I'll be... in the RV."

She'd nearly said that she'd be fine but it would've been the biggest lie she'd told in a very long time and it felt dishonest to the memory of Sophia. So she gave him a quick hug and went with her brother, forcing herself not to lose it until she was alone. Daryl brought her to the RV and sat her next to Carol, she wanted to be there for her friend but when she went to hug her and got pushed away, it felt like a slap in the face.

"Carol..."

"I don't want your pity June."

"I don't pity you."

"No?"

"No."

Carol didn't know if she believed her or not but the Dixons had a tendency to speak their minds when they were upset, so if June felt anything other than soul crushing pain, she would've come out and said it. As it stood she really was just trying to be here for Carol but if she wanted space, she'd give her space... starting now.

"Where ya goin?"

"Help dig the graves."

"June."

"Daryl, please just let me do this."

"I only wanted ta give ya this." He handed her a bottle of water and though he was worried about her, he recognized the need to keep busy. The moment her lower lip began trembling, he pulled her into a tight embrace and the way she was shaking told him she was barely holding it together. "Let it out if ya need to Junie, I'm here."

His whispered encouragement almost broke her but she was afraid of upsetting Carol and attempted to keep it all in. "I know ya are... I... I'll let ya know when we're ready."

"Alright... hey." She stopped just outside the door and the way the tears filled up her blue eyes could almost be described as beautiful if there wasn't so much despair behind them. "Love you."

"Love you too."

Once outside the RV June took a deep breath, wiped her tears away, and did her best to steady herself. She could see that the others had already wrapped the three bodies to be buried and were in the middle of digging the graves but as much as she wanted to help, she was having difficulty going over.