The Curse of Beasts (BEASTARS)

The Dire Wolf

It was long overdue, but he wished to wait longer.

    The memories flashed through Jin's mind as he walked through the familiar archway. The smell reached him before he even crossed it, body seizing up as he felt a sense of guilt come over him. It was all his fault, wasn't it? Just like before— and this time, he didn't know until after the fact. Twice now, and hopefully not a third.

    He kept his head low, managing to find a familiar path from so long ago. It seemed strange that he was able to navigate so quickly, even more that some part of him felt comfortable in the market. Maybe it's just because he's a carnivore, or maybe part of him yearned to come back. If it were the latter, it was being drowned out by fear and shame.

Fear of what to come in the future, and shame for a past sin that weighs down now.

"Jin..."

His body tensed.

"Jin..."

He grit his teeth in frustration as his body began to shake.

"You feeling alright?", a familiar voice asked.

The wolf looked up and could only stare for a few seconds, "As well as I can, though I'm sure you can tell why I'm here."

"I can take a guess.", the other glanced around. "We shouldn't talk out here, though."

~~*~~

    The air was still, as to be expected for what the two had to discuss. Jin's gaze was focused on the cup of tea in front of him, wanting so hard to put aside the issue at hand yet knowing he couldn't. He came here on his own after all. There's no going back now, even knowing the answers won't be good.

"You never said you had a kid."

Jin jumped a bit— the panda didn't cut corners, he'll give him that.

He took a breath, "It wasn't something I thought would be relevant at the time— not that it helps at all."

"It doesn't. If anything, it makes things more complicated— especially since he went back to you not long afterwards."

The wolf had to admit, even he didn't think that would happen. After his mother died, Alan was taken away while Jin had to deal with the consequences. In the time it took for them to see each other again, things had already changed. Jin had moved and mostly closed himself from outside contact. He considered himself lucky he could even see the light of day after what he'd done. But by the time Alan came back...

"I didn't think he would.", he said lowly. "Because of what I did, I would've accepted if he never wanted to see me again..."

"But he didn't— and then you closed yourself off from the topic completely and it led to how he is now. Am I getting that right?"

Jin felt anger for a moment, but it passed quickly. As blunt as it was, it is the truth. What he said to Alan long ago— when they finally saw each other again, it changed everything. Beyond the act itself, it was the actions afterwards that twisted an already-stained knife. He could feel the shift happening early on, but he didn't do anything to stop it. Now it's come back to haunt him, and it might be too late to fix.

"I didn't think he'd come here.", he sighed. "Or even find you and learn what happened."

"It might be a lot worse than that."

"W-what?"

"It's more than just hatred for you. He was sheltered from the animal world for part of his life, and the first time he got exposed to it was through you.", he explained. "When you sent him to the city, he had a glimpse of the animal world— but he didn't know how damaged it really was until he came here."

"Humans aren't taken seriously by animals. All we are to them are anomalies that don't pose any threat, and we're just around for the novelty.", Alan's voice rang out as he remembered their conversation.

"...how did he get here? How did he find this place?"

The panda crossed his arms and glanced to the side, "I don't have all the details, but I found him with a wolf who was close to fainting. They were both pretty keen on getting out, though, so I can say they weren't doing anything risky."

His ears perked, "He was with a wolf? He mentioned breaking up a fight between two carnivores, but he never gave any specifics."

"Well, that wolf might've been one of them. He actually came to me for help and your kid followed him. I talked to him more and found out he went through some things."

"What?!", Jin stiffened at that. "What happened? Is he alright?"

"The details are murky, but he's alright— physically, anyway."

"But why wouldn't he—", he started but stopped at the not-so-subtle look being given.

He lowered his head, Why wouldn't he tell me? Is that why he wanted to meet? Could it be what happened before the summer?

"You said 'physically,'" he sighed. "So what about mentally?"

"To keep it short, he's stuck. He wants to forget what happened— both with you and the other thing. He's trying to guard himself from it all while wanting to resolve it. Adding to that, he's unsure if he wants to stay in the city or not."

    The wolf's body seemed to slump entirely, everything in his head halting. He didn't want Alan to go through this— especially finding his way to The Ghetto. Maybe he could've found out if he were older, but not now!  Not only that, but he hid something from their meeting. He never mentioned it, yet he went to the panda for help! The guilt was bad before, but now it was indescribable...

He touched his head for a moment, And it all traces back to me.

"There's one thing I need to know.", Jin asked without raising his head.

"What is it?"

"Is there a chance— any chance, that I can make things right with Alan?"

There was silence, a dreadful silence that that felt like forever before it was finally broken.

"I can't say for sure. It only depends on the two of you: how you go about talking to him, and if he wants to listen at all."

~~*~~

A.N: If there's one thing I absolutely regret about this, it's that I never put more Jin-content into this. Maybe one/two more chapters could've made this fit better. Unfortunately, I completely shafted him and others before the big hiatus.

Still, this one was tough to write because of the execution. I was honestly dreading this one the moment I wrote the notes. There are others, of course, but this one is probably at the top of the list.