The Curse of Beasts (BEASTARS)

At Once The Same

"It's enough if I try. If I don't, I'll never know if it's possible."

Those words stuck out to Alan, more than the fact that he opened up about the lions or Gouhin's past. He could barely say more than a few words of it to Legosi or Haru, but that was just after the event happened. Ever since then, he avoided the topic altogether, even lashing out if prodded enough. However, the latest session gave him something new to consider.

"And what if you can't? What if you find someone you wouldn't be able to treat?"

"It's like I said: It's enough if I try."

Try.

At one point, the word would've had more meaning to him. It would've been enough to spur him through whatever stood in his way, but it's changed now. He wasn't with a goal that had no clear path, but with no path and no goal to work towards. The best he could do was follow others' lead, and even then he had to be pushed to do it. He barely did anything of his own volition— and he hated that fact.

This time, though, he'd attempt something not only of his own volition, but to forge a path of his own.

~~*~~

"You want to do what?!", Kai asked as Alan pulled a rope from backstage.

"I want to try Jaw War."

"I mean, isn't it a little dangerous?"

"Kai's right.", Riz chimed in while the human looked at the line. "With large-breed carnivores, Jaw War can be...intense to watch. Plus if the difference in strength is enough, you could get hurt if it goes wrong."

"I know.", he replied as he looked at the two. "But that's why I'm doing this: to find out how strong I am compared to everyone. Plus, I'm doing it with Kai since we're both new to it."

"Still, this is out-of-the-blue!", the mongoose snapped. "You were quiet ever since the meeting about breaking the club up— and when you did say something, it was when Legosi went at Riz!"

Alan's eyes shifted, the blank look he had crossing towards hesitation.

"We're all worried about you, and this isn't helping things! Do you even know what you're trying to do?"

The hand with the rope lowered, "I don't...but I have to find my own way."

"Huh?"

"I don't know what I'm going to do, and I don't know what I want...", he lowered his head. "I don't even know what my place is in this club, but I need to find out where I stand among you all. If nothing else, I'll have some idea of it."

    Alan had lost count of how many times someone said they were worried about him. It's happened so often much that it made him sick, and it was no different now. If he were only human, he probably wouldn't think to try something like Jaw War. He wasn't, though, and so there was a chance— a possibility, that it could help him find his way. No one told him it was the way, but he believed in that chance.

"I think we should do it."

He looked up, "Riz..."

"If you believe it'll help you, then we should give it a shot.", the bear smiled. "Juno said we'd have faith in you, so we should have it now, right?"

Kai sighed, "I get your point, but I'm still not sure about this. Couldn't you have gotten Legosi to do it with you?"

"He's at least twice my size.", Alan answered, "Plus, he'd definitely hold back with me. You're at least closer in size to me...kind of."