Desire 2: Caged

20

The next few days were dark and scary. I didn't know where to go from that point. I didn't leave my cell to do anything, I couldn't face the madness and the pain is too unbearable.

It's just not fair. I can't protect my child, what am I? Nothing, that's what I am. A mother is supposed to protect her child, and here I am possibly spending the rest of my life in a prison. Some f***ing mother I am!

Rayna was there with me every step of the way. From holding me while I cry, to forcing me to eat. I'm thankful for her. I finally convinced her to go have her yard time. I needed to be alone and she needed to be out of that cell. She tried to stay with me afraid of what I might do to myself, I assured her that I wouldn't and she finally left.

Once I was alone, I sat there. Thinking of all of the things that Keith has put me through and what he'd possibly put my daughter through. The thought terrified me. I could feel the tears getting ready to come, but they wouldn't fall. Maybe I've cried too much. I wanted to cry and just couldn't.

I sat there for a while, doing nothing. I looked at myself and could see dried tears on my skin and my clothes, I gathered my hygiene supplies and headed down to the shower. In the hall, I ran into Mitch.

"Hey, Officer Mitch."

"Keep it moving, inmate." He replied

In shock, I kept moving. He's never called me that. I guess it was just a matter of time before his true colors came out. I can't burden myself with thoughts of "Why?".

I awaited for my turn in the shower, today is Wednesday so that means the junkies are trading commissary for crack and the exchange location is the showers.

I stood next to the wall and could see Ja'Zaye coming from the back of the shower. I turned my back in hopes that she wouldn't notice me.

"Well, well, well Deysire."

"Hi."

"That's all I get after you stood me up, girl?"

"Did you ask me to come here to smoke crack with you?"

She laughed.

"What's funny?" I asked as I grew annoyed.

"I don't smoke nor deal in drugs. I'm here for the same reason you are, unless you're here to smoke crack."

I rolled my eyes at her.

"Ja'Zaye, we gotta go." Called one of her friends.

She shrugged her shoulders at me and said "Guess I gotta go. Tonight is my last night on duty. Meet me in the bathroom after final count."