His secret

Chapter 28

I'm starting to feel really lazy which makes me feel disgusted too because I hate feeling lazy. I haven't left the apartment in two months, the only contact I've had with the outside world is the view from the window that I sit beside and look out from every day after I've cleaned the whole apartment. I've even skipped work for two whole months. The only human contact I've had during this time is Alexis that comes by every other day to check in and bring some food for me that he forces inside me.

He brings homemade food enough for two days and makes me promise him to eat it the next day which I promise him to do but honestly I tend to forget to eat, so it mostly goes to the trash when I clean up. The only things I really focus on are keeping the apartment clean and staying in it in case he returns. I don't want him to return to a trashy apartment it would just drive him mad given his OCD, and I really want to be here when he gets back, witness his return with my own eyes as he walks through that door. If he returns. The voice inside me that's been haunting me like never before during these two months adds.

The voice, that's probably my consciousness or whatever rational part of my brain that exists has been questioning how I'm still waiting for him after he walked through that door coldheartedly claiming that he's going out for some fresh air and not coming back for two whole months. Many people wouldn't understand, but I just can't give up on him, not when I know that he really does love me because I've seen it in his eyes, the love that he bears for me. I've even seen it in other ways, in his concern for me, in his touch, and in his warm kisses. Besides he's never given up on me and the least I can do is not give up on him now.

I spent the first two weeks sick in worry over him, eating myself up because I had pissed him off and made him run off like that and now something had happened to him thanks to me. I tried calling and messaging him but he didn't answer, not until after two weeks had passed. He texted not me but Alexis a simple message "Don't worry I'm fine" was all that the message contained and all the calls and messages asking him where he are and why he doesn't come home and why he can't just take a simple conversation with me etc etc, went unanswered.

However, I was very thankful that he sent that message because it sent a whole feeling of relief that rushed through my body. My worry turned into anger then, anger because he had waited two weeks to send that message leaving me with sickening concern, anger because he had even left that night in the first place, and anger because he never came back. And I'm still angry with him, although I've not given up and I really wish for him to return, I am still very irritated with him. I want him to come back home but I also know that nothing is going back to as it was in an instant. I won't be running into his arms the second he walks through the door, the first thing I want to do is scold him, scold him for leaving me on what was supposed to be the happiest day of my life and for everything else he's made me feel during these months with his absences.

Sitting on the armchair looking out the window and having these thoughts I get the urge to text him again. I reach for my phone on the round coffee table next to me and click my way straight to the chat between Miles and me, which doesn't take time because the last time I texted him was two days ago so his first on the list. "I brought you homemade Chinese food, It's Friday and I got off earlier so I figured Chinese would go well with a movie..." Alexis freezes in his place with two white bags of food in his hands in midair as he lays eyes on my guilty face.

"What are you doing, Nova?" hell, it's moments like this I regret giving him an extra set of keys, not that I had a choice because he insisted on it after I didn't open the door for him one day simply because I was in the shower but apparently I had scared him, he thought I had fainted or something. "You're texting him again, aren't you?" he asks when I don't give him an answer to his first question, and my silence for his second one is enough to answer.