His secret

Chapter 9

"The pancakes were delicious," he closes his eyes and does a gesture with his mouth as if he still can feel the taste of our breakfast on his tongue. "Maybe I should never prepare breakfast like ever again and just let you do it instead."

"Stop changing the topic," I say slightly annoyed. "I really need to know where we're going so that I can prepare myself for it." Biting his lips he holds back a laugh

"We're literally driving there right now Nova, just wait a couple more minutes."

"Why can't you just tell me right now instead?"

"Or you could wait?"

"But I..." the car suddenly stops causing me to fly forward. I look at Miles confused as to why we suddenly stopped and I find him looking at me. Opening his seatbelt he leans towards me, leaving a few inches between our faces. I should be used to this, he always does it and he knows that it works every time. "Will you stop asking where I'm taking you or do I have to make you stop?"  My silence is enough to answer him. He leans back in his seat and fastens his seatbelt before continuing to drive.

We spend the drive chatting a little, that was before I got a surprising call from my mother. She called me to apologize for what she had told me the other day and claimed that she didn't mean any of that but she was just emotional. I even got invited for dinner with her and dad and she told me to bring Miles with me if I would prefer company, I told her that we would try to make it. It was a very stiff conversation and I think that both of us were uncomfortable so we hung up shortly after the invitation.

When I hung up on my mother I realized that we had stopped. I look around just to find myself in a graveyard. The feeling of a warm hand on my own makes me come back to reality after dozing off. "I felt like you needed this," he smiles at me but I can see the worry in his eyes. "sorry if I made you uncomfortable if you don't want to we could just lea..." 

"No, no I don't want to leave," these damn tears never stop burning in my eyes. "Thank you, Miles."

We get out of the car and walk between the graves. There is no talking; there is just Mile's arm around my shoulder for support, which is more than enough. I feel my soul leaving my body when I spot his grave 'Sirius Devis, loved son, loving and protective brother, and a great team player' I sit on the edge of his grave and feel the wet soil that my brother is layin under. I notice the fresh flowers that seem to have just been planted, I look up at Miles and he gives me a comforting smile as he stands next to me with his hands in the pocket of his jeans. 

When did he get the time to come and plant flowers? I get up and throw myself at Miles with my hands around his neck so tight, causing him to lose his balance. After getting his balance back he returns the hug and rests his head on mine.

"I haven't been able to come here in a very long time," I admit as the tears increase, washing the makeup on my face off. "I've been making excuses for myself, telling myself that it's too hard to get here without a car, or that I have more important things to do but that just excused me not to come here because I never felt ready." I bury my head deeper into his chest so that I now can hear his heartbeat fastening. 

"I know, that's why I brought you here," he says as he brushes my hair with his hand. "Now I think that you need some alone time with him; I'll be waiting in the car. Take your time."  He takes my hand and squeezes it before turning around, and heading toward his car.

I sit in the same place again. "Hello Sirius," a pink flower catches my attention as I speak so I start poking at it. "I hope you're doing fine, wherever I sent you. You know, I was at our parent's house the other day and I had a fight with mom. She called me selfish and thinking about it she's not that wrong you know." I take a deep breath because I feel that my heart and brain need more air to be able to bear this. "I killed you and then I am the one that sits at home crying all day and playing the victim and avoiding visiting you." I take a break to calm down my sobs which have become louder than my voice.

"I really miss you. I miss having someone annoying me when I tried to get things done, I missed taking you with me when I had no friends that wanted to go with me to shop for clothes." I smile at the many memories that flash through my mind. "I'm really sorry for taking your youth from you, I don't know if you'll ever forgive me and if you'll ever be able to miss me as I miss you." The soil gets into my mouth when I put my head down on it to get closer to my brother, but I don't care, I just break down there by my brother's grave.

Suddenly I feel a warmth inside me. I get up and look down at my hand that's still on the pink flower, feeling the warmth transferring from there. Maybe I've gone insane but I really think that Sirius is next to me. Wiping my tears away I smile at the flower. "Wait here, I'll be right back." I run as fast as I can to the car. A worried Miles jumps out of it "Nova? What's wrong?" He holds my hands, looking behind me. "Are you alright?"

"Yes! Yes, I'm fine, I just need something like a bowl or a bag or anything you can find" He looks confused. "What for?"

"Don't ask, I'll explain later please just find me something."  Without any other word, he heads towards the car, and shortly after he comes back with a water bottle. "This is the only thing that I could find." I snatch it from his hand and start running toward the grave immediately. "Thank you, Miles!" I scream breathlessly.

"You're coming home with me," I tell the Pink flower that my brother contacted me through as I dig it out to put it in the bottle. "I have finally found you again so there is no way I'm letting you go, ever." It feels weird to talk to a flower but I truly believe that he is with me right now, so I don't think of it as talking to a flower but to my brother. I slowly put the flower down in the bottle, afraid I might ruin it. I take a last look at the grave before heading back to the car.

"So, you mean that you felt him through the flower when you told him to forgive you and now you feel like he has forgiven you?" I thank god that Miles is distracted by the road and doesn't make eye contact with me as I explain the flower to him because it is really weird. "Yes," I say looking out the window, afraid of what he's thinking. "If that's what you feel, Sunshine, then I'm sure it's more than right." The feeling of shame fades and turns into adoration, he really always knows what to say. "Thank you." I say looking at him "For?"

"For bringing me here, it really meant a lot to me and it helped."

"I'm glad it helped."

"I don't know what I would do without you."

"Well, the good thing is you'll never have to be without me." He looks at me with an honest smile on his face, his eyes shining with sincerity. "Miles, you took a wrong turn, my house is the other way," I say looking back at the road that we were supposed to take. "And who said that we're going home Sunshine?"

"Omg, where are you taking me now?" I jump in my place like a kid and he rolls his eyes at me again. "Here we go again."