His secret

Chapter 24

It's been a hell of a week, and I can finally say that Alexis is not to blame for this one week after a whole month of torment with him. He's actually been kind of tiptoeing around me in the kitchen and he hasn't raised his voice at me once during a whole week which is incredible. Instead, he's been around me in the kitchen more often, trying to teach me stuff instead of getting frustrated at the fact that I can't do it, just like I had suggested last week. But that hasn't gone well for me either because while Alexis is trying to be patient with me, which must be really hard for him, I'm here with my thoughts preoccupied with the realization I came with a week ago. The fact that I was the main reason for not being able to come as close to Miles as I would like to is taking over my whole mind. 

Good thing is that Miles has been working late hours lately, giving me a chance to go to sleep before he gets home because I really don't have the stomach to face him. Not now anyway. To look at his face and just realize that he might have needed me by his side while I wasn't there for him would just break me. So as the usual coward I am I've been avoiding him. At least until now. "So, Sunshine? Do you care to tell me why you've been avoiding me?" Here he was, cornering me to the walls of our apartment because he as usual figured me out. Figured out that I had been avoiding him. I wasn't planning on dodging him forever.

 I... Actually, I don't know what I was even thinking. All I know is that I wasn't expecting him to get off work earlier today. I tried to hurry to the bedroom as soon as I heard the door unlocking, but unfortunately, Miles had already walked through the door and hurried to me. He caught up with me and pushed my body lightly against the wall. One of his hands held my arm tightly while the other rested on the wall beside my head. "Aren't you supposed to work late today?"I return a question to him.

 "I can't get much work done while my girlfriend is avoiding me which means that I was completely useless there. So I figured why not come home earlier before you have the time to flee me by going to bed," the hand that was holding on to my arm drops its hold and travels up to my face. He grips my chin with his index finger and thumb and moves my head to make me face him. I didn't realize that I was avoiding eye contact with him until now. I finally look into the blue of his eyes that I've been longing to look into. I haven't seen them in a week which feels like an eternity. "Now, can we please settle things here? Because I would love to return to my normal self that gets things done, and I just can't bring myself to do that while knowing that something is making you avoid me." he continues while my eyes are still focused on his. It seems impossible to look away now that I've made contact with them again. 

I've seen all of him, sleeping, when I get up in the morning to grab breakfast on my way before heading to work. It's just those blue stones for eyes of his that I haven't managed to see because they were always hidden behind his sleepy eyelids. It's a habit of mine to just take my time looking into his eyes almost whenever, while we eat, watch movies or even head to sleep. I wonder when he cried last. Does the blue color, mixed with green strings all around get brighter when he cries? Now I feel my own eyes filling up with tears because of the thought that the last time he cried might be while having me in his life but not having me available as comfort. That causes my gaze to break from his finally. "Your time is up Sunshine. Have I done something to upset you? " I can hear the worry in his voice, I can even feel it on his face without looking at him. Warmth is the usual feeling I get at the sound of his concern for me, but all I feel now is guilt. Guilt because I made him think that he had done something wrong for a week when in reality I'm the one who's done everything wrong. 

"No, you've done nothing wrong," the tears are threatening to fall down any second as I speak. "What then, Sunshine? Why haven't I been able to look into your eyes for a week? Why do I come home to you already sleeping? I must have done something to bother you," he meets my eyes again, not by moving my head to make me face him but by tilting his head to my height and putting it into my view, forcing me to look at him instead of his chest that my eyes rested on after leaving his eyes. "No, I promise. You're just amazing Miles, and you've always been," a sob leaves my lips. "Are you about to cry because I'm amazing, Sunshine?" he laughs. "Yes. No. Well, yes. I'm crying because you're really great, and you do everything right while I only manage to do everything wrong," hot tears start streaming down my cheeks. "You've always been there for me and I can't even say that I've been there for you once."