Lawfully Twisted

58.

CHANYEOL

He woke up in the middle of the night to a shivering Baekhyun who was asleep beside him on the cold hard floor of the bathroom. Chanyeol picked him up bridal style to his room and laid him on his bed, tucking him under the covers, gentle with his movements so as to not wake him up. He sat on the edge of the bed and grabbed one of Baekhyun's arms. He still couldn't believe what he was seeing. His heart shattered into pieces as he traced the cuts on his wrist. They went all the way up to his elbow, the biggest one right in the middle which seemed to have been a deep cut judging from the scar. If he could he would cry again but he was so drained and lifeless. He leaned forward and kissed his forehead whispering I Love You which he knew he couldn't hear. It was almost 1 and his eyes though heavy were not sleepy. He would just toss and turn disturbing Baekhyun if he laid beside him and so with that he switched off the lights and left to go sit in the living room. He just sat there in the dark like some ghost tv on but muted and eyes empty as he took in everything that just happened. 

He felt like the most cruel human being to ever exist. Criminals were even better than him. How could he do this to the person he loved the most? How could he show up back in his life, want him back and not even know his baby has been suffering. Struggling by himself. He's been so selfish and self centered that he didn't realize Baekhyun was breaking. Wilting away and swallowed by his mental health. What was the worst about all of this is that he did know Baekhyun had been having some mental issues back when they still dated. He knew how fragile he was. And yet here he was being the best fucking asshole in the world, clueless that the man he loved and cherished was dying inside. No matter how much Baekhyun or anyone would say it wasn't his fault he couldn't agree. It was his fault it went this far. He is to blame for what is happening to his little baby. Did he even deserve to call him that?

''Chanyeol?''a small voice said from behind. Chanyeol turned and saw Baekhyun standing there with a pillow clutched to his chest. He smiled though he knew it didn't reach his eyes.

''Come here.''he beckoned, patting the seat beside him. Baekhyun padded over to him and sat next to him, pushing his knees up and hugging them to his chest. They both looked at the tv not really watching it, silent for the next two minutes till Baekhyun sighed.

''I know what's going through your head right now and for the fiftieth time Yeol none of this is your fault.''Baekhyun said placing his hand over his. 

''How can you possibly expect me to believe that?''

''Alright. Fine. To be honest, i did blame you. For a while. But when i started seeing a therapist that quickly changed. She made me realize that what you did if anything helped me. It did fuck me over when you left me but you have to get hurt in order to heal. I've been living my whole life bottling up things, even when i dated you. Our break-up was like an eye opener for me to get help. Which i did. Well, still am. This condition i have, my anxiety and depression whatever you want to call it stems way back from when i was a child. It has absolutely nothing to do with you. The only way you are involved is that you made me want to seek help, fix myself. And i'm still working on it. So it's really stupid for me to blame you. I know you could never intentionally hurt me. I want to believe that you love me too much to do that.''.

''Then why didn't you tell me anything Baek?..Why did you keep this to yourself for so long?"

''Because i knew this would happen. You blaming yourself. Technically, i thought you'd treat me like the others. Pitiful. But when i saw you earlier crying like that it made me realize you are not the others.''Baekhyun put his pillow away and went to straddle him, arms closing around his neck while his went to hold his waist.''You are Chanyeol. My Chanyeol. You would never look at me like that. ''