Every New Beginning... (Chris Evans AU)

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Opal POV

  I wish the stages of grief lasted just one day each. Maybe even just an hour each. How quickly I could move through each one, and get on with my life.

  Instead, I'm finding myself stuck.

  But then, what kind of relationship did you have with someone that you can just go on living like nothing ever happened? 

  Not one worth remembering, that's for sure. 

  Yes, I was able to push aside frustrations with Chris and let him help me. But, let's face it. If I had pushed through and gone into Pop's house on my own, I'd still be taking every little thing he says or does as some type of personal attack. 

  But, I wasn't able to go into the house. Chris went in and retrieved the suit, locking the door back behind him before driving us back home. He heated up the dinner Mila provided, setting it on the table in front of me without even encouraging me to eat. I chose to continue rising above my issues and took a handful of bites before telling him I was finished. I gave him a kiss on the top of his head before leaving the room and calling it a night. 

  "It's just 4 in the afternoon, babe," he calls out after me.

  And this is where the aggravation begins to build again. "I'm tired," I tell him as I continue down the hallway.  It takes only a moment before I hear his footsteps behind me. 

  "How about we curl up and watch a movie or something?" 

  I know what he's doing, but I don't like it. He's wanting to shelter me from myself, and I don't want him to. 

  Because right now, I'm the only person I can count on.

  I move through the bedroom door, and instinctively reach for the handle to close it. But with the speed his long legs afford him he's already leaning against the door frame when I turn around. "It's been a long day. I just want to shower and go to bed." 

  Chris reaches out for my hand, moving it off the handle, cradling it in his own. He gently swings it between us. "Please. I've missed you."

  I roll my eyes and pull my hand away from him, stepping further into the room. "There's nothing to miss, Chris. You've barely left me alone the last two days."

  He takes a step into the room, planting his feet shoulder width apart, crossing his arms against his chest. "I don't wanna just go in the living room and sit around by myself for the next six hours before finally falling asleep."  

  I huff as I go over to my bed, tossing the covers back. "Then go pack a bag and go to Magnolia with your family. I'm sure they'll be better company," I snap back.

  He grips the bridge of his nose between his thumb and forefinger, his eyes closed tight. "I don't want to be with them. I want to be with you."

  "How can you not see that I am nothing right now?!" I toss a throw pillow on the floor before reaching for another one. "I am not worth spending time with at the moment. I'm not a good hostess." I throw a pillow over in his direction. "I'm not a good fiancee." I  chuck another one, hitting him in the chest this time. "I'm a horrible granddaughter," I cry out, sobs wracking my chest as I hold a pillow to my stomach, crumbling onto the bed. 

  Like lightning Chris is at my side, trying to shush me through the dam that just burst from my chest. I feel his arms wrap around me. I should feel comforted, but instead I feel like I'm suffocating. My breathing becomes even more erratic than it has the last two days. 

  "Ya gotta breathe through it, Ope."

  I begin pushing back against him. My elbows finding his ribs. I lift my back, trying to get him off of me, to release the crushing feeling. "Get off me!" I yell out in irritation. Instead of feeling him release me, I feel him squeezing me tighter. "Let me go! Let me go!" I scream, over and over again, continuing to thrash against him. The heel of my foot finally connects to his shin, causing him to loosen his grip as he stumbles back. I squirm my way completely out of his arms, ready to continue throwing elbows if necessary. I run to the bathroom, slamming the door behind me, once again locking it. 

Chris POV

  I stand there, staring at the door. What little progress I'd made, gone. Completely cut off just as I've been by the door. 

  I want to throw my hands in the air. 

  I want to say 'screw it.'

  I want to walk away and not look back.

  But I no longer care about what I want. No. All that matters is what Opal needs. 

  As much as I hate it, she needs to try and find solace within herself.  

  My feet finally move, guiding me to the bathroom door. I rest both of my hands on either side of the door frame, leaning into it. I just stand there, listening. She may need to be alone, but I need to know she's safe. 

  The heavy sobs continue to heave through her. I can't go to her, not this time. For whatever reason what normally would help her, only hurt her more. I release a quiet sigh before trying something else. "Opal?"

  "What?" she snaps back at me between cries.

  I will myself to stay focused on her, and not her actions right now. "Take slow deep breaths." I can hear wailing falter as she listens to me. "Please," I beg.

  With my ear against the door I try to listen for her breaths over the rattling of her weeping. I hear a couple of deep breaths, breaking through the tears. They're strained, but they are present.  "Can you lay down for me?"

  "What?" she asks with confusion, rather than anger. 

  "Lay flat on your back," I instruct her. As I wait, I listen closely again, hearing a bit of shuffling. "Are you laying down?"

  She gives me a muffled confirmation. "I need you to close your eyes. I need you to focus on your breathing."  I do my best to lead her in a series of breathing in through her nose and out through her mouth. "That's good, sweetheart. Just like that." We do this exercise for about five minutes before I try something else. "Now, I want you to focus on the things I say, okay?" I pause, not because I expect an answer, but to give her another moment. "Lay your arms out by your sides, right next to you. I want you to focus on where the tile touches your body, the coolness it offers. Concentrate on the softness of the rug and what parts of your body are on it. Notice how the small of your back isn't touching anything? Focus in on those things. Go through a checklist of each body part. But as you check them off, let each one relax. You can keep them tight until you reach them, okay?" 

  By this point I'm on my knees in front of the door, my hands resting on my thighs. Listening in, I hear her breathing falter again. "Remember to breathe, baby. In through your nose, out through your mouth."

  Internally, I'm scolding Pops. He knew about the extent of his sickness earlier on, and kept it from her. She could've had time to start this process earlier. He could've seen her emotional state, known how much she cares for him.

   But, then I stop my rambling thoughts and remind myself that she feels and loves things deeply, and this would've happened a hundred times over, no matter when she found out the news. 

  We stay this way for almost an hour, going through each motion over and over again when her whimpering would begin again. 

  "Chris," I hear her whispered voice from behind the locked door. 

  "Yes, love?"

  "Can I please go to bed now?" she pleads with me.

  "Can you open the door?" I counter.

  I hear her hand touch the handle as the lock releases. She pulls it back slowly, revealing herself to me. What I find breaks my heart all over again. I swallow hard, keeping my own emotions in check. "Can I carry you to bed?" She gives a small nod, her body unwilling to fight against me anymore. 

  I gently scoop her and carry her over to her bed, the side she prefers, before laying her down. She doesn't move an inch, just lets her head sink further into the pillows. I pull her comforter up and over her shoulder, tucking it just under her chin. Squatting down for just a moment I let my thumb run across her cheekbone as her tired eyes close.  I kiss her forehead before standing straight again.

  Leaving the room I stop just shy of the door. "I love you, Opal Lucas." I'm met with no response as I quietly close the door behind me, giving her what she's wanted all along.

  To be left alone. 

  *Unedited...off to work!*