Every New Beginning... (Chris Evans AU)

.132.

  "So I get wet." My feet don't stop until I'm in front of the door.

I feel him grasp my arm as I reach for the handle. "You haven't eaten all day, Ope."

My eyes flash up in anger but my lip threatens to quiver. "Don't." He let's go of me and takes a step back. I open the door and slam it behind me.

    I walk to the end of my driveway, fiddling with my playlists, choosing something random before I begin running.

  My pace doesn't start the way I know it should. It's been so long that I know I should basically just be jogging, but I can't. I need to feel the pain through my legs. The desire to feel a different kind of ache in my chest, a burning from my lungs, which has me in a full sprint before I reach the first stop sign.

  A quarter of a mile in I feel the first few drops. I practically pray for the sky to open up and drown me with something other than my own tears.

  A loud roll of thunder follows. The sound jolting me the same way it has since I was a small child.

  Memory unlocked. That first night back at my grandparents house. The night my dad dropped me off and left without looking back. A huge storm rolled through in the middle of the night. I remember waking up in a panic from the thunder, swearing that it was right outside my window. I ran to Granny and Pop's room and straight to his side of the bed. He pulled me up, placed me right between the two of them and prayed for God to calm my fears and the storm. I remember clutching his arm, screwing my eyes shut tightly as he hummed right in my ear, drowning out the sounds of the crashing thunder until I finally drifted off again.

  Lightning dances across the sky.  At this point I almost wish I had an umbrella. Not for the sake of staying dry. No, I'd much rather use it in the form of a lightning rod, beckoning the electricity to consume me. 

  Memory unlocked. The feeling of electricity that jolted through me on Valentine's Day when Chris came in behind Pops at Magnolia. The dinner I shared with my two favorite men. The night in which Chris somewhat proposed for the first time with that paper ring. How different things could be right now if I hadn't said that little 'but' when telling him I think I want everything with him. 

  Half a mile in and the sky finally opens up fully. Small droplets quickly turning into a large downpour, stinging my flesh as it drenches my clothing. 

  I still don't stop.

  I welcome the pain. I welcome the feeling of being enveloped by the storm, getting lost in the midst of something other than heartache. 

  The small tendrils that had fallen out of my ponytail stick to my face as I reach the end of my neighborhood, the rain having not let up, maybe even falling harder than before. I pause for just a moment, deciding which direction to go, before finally plopping down onto the sidewalk. Puddles grow around me, filling up the holes and crevices that have broken over time of wear and tear. 

  Memory unlocked. The amount of work Pops put into my young life, trying to fill those holes left behind by my parents and their poor choices. The amount of dedication Chris has shown, attempting to do the same over the last nine months.

  But new holes have formed. New parts of an already broken heart are crumbling under the weight of this new loss. A loss that I knew deep down was coming, that still hurts more than I could've possibly  imagined. 

  I pull my knees to my chest, crossing my arms against the tops of  my knees. I drop my  head, feeling the sharp, pelting drops against my neck and back. I take several deep breaths, enjoying the sound of drowning rushing through my ears from the heavy storm. 

  In no time though I'm startled by the feeling of heavy hands against my shoulders. I lift my eyes to see Chris, his own eyes filled with worry, rain dripping off the tips of his hair down across his face. He's still in his dress clothes.

 I don't speak, I just stare at him.

  I'd been keeping myself from looking directly at him all day, afraid of falling apart. But now I realize there's nothing left of me to break.

Chris POV

  I watch Opal through the dining room window as she stops at the end of her drive, fumbling around with her cell. Whatever it was she was looking for I guess she found as she immediately starts running to the left. I grab her keys and step out onto the porch, locking the door behind me. I stand and watch her for just a few moments before jumping in the car.

  I drive behind her, staying far enough back to not bring attention. I am trying desperately to give her the space she needs, but keep an eye on her, preparing for the onslaught of emotions she's bound to face. 

  I notice a bit of surprise course through her body as the sky cracks with thunder, joining the few drops of rain that have begun to fall. She falters for just a moment before she's on course again. 

  It's not until the lightning starts and the rainfall becomes heavier that I really start to worry about her safety. I choose to drive a little closer to her now, still staying back a bit. 

  I'm reminded of a similar situation, one that seems like it was just yesterday. Opal storming out of Lily and Jameson's rehearsal dinner, leaving me to chase after her down the sidewalks of downtown Jacksonville. My fear for her safety was strong then, but today it consumes me. 

  Today's moment is not like before. I know that when I finally am able to reach her in the moment of need, I won't be able to just walk away from her the way I did that night. If I wasn't so focused on the pain she's feeling now I may even chuckle at the memory of dropping her in a chair on the front porch of Magnolia, leaving her there as I stormed up to my room. 

  As I see her finally stop, I pull off to the side, putting the car in park and just watch her. She sinks to the ground, not in agony or despair. She just simply sits for a moment. A picture of rain attempting to wash away her anguish, but yet I know it's not that easy.

  When she tucks her head down into her chest, her knees and arms supporting her, I open the door and jump out of the car. I don't run to her, but walk slowly, timidly approaching her, the roar of the rain drowning out the sound of my steps as I approach her. 

  I squat down in front of her, resting my hands on her shoulders. I see her jolt suddenly, her head lifting.  The brightness and joy I so often found in her eyes are completely gone, replaced by emptiness. 

  Her eyes look back at me showing no emotion, making my heart ache even more. I sigh at my failed attempt to dry her face with my hands, cupping her cheeks gently. "Let me take you home," I whisper prayerfully over the pounding of the rain on the sidewalk.